Changes Made
by D.Bunnie
Summary: Edward left.  Bella and Alice fly to Volterra to rescue him.  They return home.  The voting takes place and then...    Bella explains that if Edward and the rest of the family want to stay in her life, there need to be some changes made...
1. Chapter 1 Reunited

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

REUNITED

EPOV

As I followed Jane down the underground corridor with my arm around my Bella, I watched in Alice's memory the things she couldn't say out loud in our present company.

She reviewed in her head the vision she had of Bella jumping off the cliff, her flight to Forks to offer her help to Charlie, her shock and surprise upon finding Bella alive if not entirely well, Bella's fear when she thought Alice was leaving her and Alice's dismay in discovering that she couldn't _see_ the werewolves.

I listened to her conversation with Charlie the morning after her arrival and cringed internally at the words _catatonic_. What had I done to my Bella, my beloved, my reason for existence?

In trying to save her, I've almost destroyed her. Now to top things off, I might very well have succeeded in ending all three of us, if I couldn't figure out a way to get us out of the mess my impetuous trip to Volterra has caused.

I was beyond exaltation to see, feel and smell my Bella again when I thought that she was beyond me forever in this world, but I couldn't ignore the differences in her either.

She was thinner, much thinner than she had been 6 months ago. Her scent was off too. I don't have Carlisle's years of medical experience, but I'm willing to bet that she is anemic from lack of proper diet. Lastly, the dark circles under her eyes tell me that she isn't sleeping well and hasn't been for quite some time. I couldn't keep my hands from touching her: her face, her lips, her cheeks (pale and without her usual blush), her hair and the pulse at her neck (rapid and irregular).

She is trembling beneath my arm and it suddenly occurs to me that she is cold. Her clothes are wet and this corridor is deep underground and probably very cold for the human girl walking beside me. I move away from her to try and preserve her body heat.

"NO!" cries Bella, pulling me close to her again.

My still heart warms. Could she possibly still love me after all I've put her through? If I can get us out of here alive, might she be able to forgive me and allow me back into her life? I can only pray and persevere.

'_Why don't we just pick up the girl and carry her to Aro? This slow, human pace is annoying. Better yet, why don't we just drain the girl here, she smells wonderful!" _ I growled low in my throat as Felix's thoughts interrupted my musings. No one will touch her while I'm still in one piece!

We take the elevator up and we're in the 'human' portion of Volterra. The halls are white, the temperature is warmer and the décor is more inviting. I can feel Bella relax under my arm, not realizing yet what this might mean.

The human woman, Gianna, greets our escort as we enter and I hear Bella's quick inhalation.

"Is she…?" she asked me, astonished.

"Yes" I replied.

"Does she know?"

"Yes"

"Why would she…she wants to be?"

"Yes" I answered again.

"_Yes, I'm looking forward to that one…she smells heavenly, it has been so difficult to resist. I think your Bella smells even better, Edward, but I am looking forward to finally getting to taste Gianna!" _Felix thought at me. I curled my lips back in a sneer but otherwise kept silent, unwilling to fall for his baiting this time.

Jane leads us down the hall and into the room with Alec. "They send you out for one and you come back with two….and a half," he noted, looking at Bella. "Nice work." Jane laughed with delight. "Welcome back Edward, you seem in a better mood."

"Marginally," I told him, my face hard and my eyes blank.

"And this is the cause of all the trouble? _ Yes, she smells wonderful, but other than that I don't understand all the fuss!"_ he asked skeptical.

"Dibs," Felix called out and I turned, snarling at him.

Alice touched my arm, "Patience," she cautioned me.

She showed me her vision, of me, attacking Felix now, and Bella lying dead at my feet, caught in the crossfire. I took a deep breath and straightened up with a slight nod to my sister. I would not take that chance with Bella's life.

"Aro will be pleased to see you again," said Alec.

"Let's not keep him waiting," agreed Jane.

They led us through another cold, stone antechamber and I felt Bella shiver at my side. The door opened into a brightly lit, round turret room full of other vampires. Aro turned to us at once, "Jane, dear one, you've returned." _"And with Edward, Alice and Bella too..splendid…I did so want to meet this human of Edward's. It's a shame we'll have to kill her in the end. The boy is so insistent that she not be turned after all." _ Aro's thoughts lamented.

I stiffened, but gave no other outward sign of my anger at his thoughts. I am determined to find a way out of this situation and leave here with my love and my sister by my side. It would not do to antagonize the Volturi unduly before we even begin talking.

Aro sent out for his brothers, Caius and Marcus, to come meet Bella and Alice. As they walked in I saw Marcus turn to look at us and I heard the shock in his mind when he noted the bright bands of blue light that surrounded the three of us.

Marcus could see relationships and he had never seen a bond so strong as the love between myself and Bella and the familial love between all three of us. To not only have proof that I was in deeply in love and attached to a human and her to me but to realize that Alice and Bella also loved each other as family and that the bond between Alice and myself was one of family and not the usual coven bond was something Marcus had never experienced before. He lost no time in taking Aro's hand and sharing his vision with him.

"Amazing. Absolutely amazing," breathed Aro, looking at the three of us. _"I had no idea such a thing was even possible. I could see in Edward's thoughts that he believed himself to be in love with the human girl, but I didn't really believe that his emotions were so involved. And then to see that this human's own instincts have been so swallowed up by her own genuine affection for the two immortals beside her…well, I just never thought that I'd ever get to witness that."_

Alice looked over at me exasperated. _"What is he going on about Edward?"_

"Marcus sees relationships and he is surprised by the strength of ours." I explained to her.

"How convenient,' Aro exclaimed. _"Oh what I could do with him by my side."_

Aro went on to wonder how I could stand to be so close to my singer, _la tua cantante_, he called it. He thought it was a waste of the most precious gift a vampire could find, I thought it was an adequate price to pay for falling in love with someone who should be beyond me.

The pain reminded me how fortunate I was that someone like my Bella could love me too. Aro took my hand again, reviewing everything Alice had just told me on the way up here. Then he looked at Bella and wondered if she would be immune to his power the same way she was immune to mine.

"May I?" he asked me.

"Ask her." I told him; angered that he was treating Bella as someone less worthy of courtesy.

"Of course. How rude of me." He apologized. Turning to Bella, he spoke to her directly.

"My dear, I wonder if you are immune to my powers the same as Edward's as they are not completely the same. May I take your hand?"

Bella looked at me, frightened either of touching him or the thought that he might hear her thoughts I wasn't certain, but it would not do to anger him right now.

I was still casting my mind out, listening to the thoughts of those around us and I thought I'd figured out a way to keep Bella hidden from the Volturi if I could get us out of here. It would be helpful to know if she could block Aro as well not to mention if she couldn't. I would finally get to hear them for myself through him. I nodded to her. She took a deep breath and held out her shaking hand to him. He grasped is greedily.

"_YESSSS," _his mind hissed. _"I want to see…wait…I've never been blocked. How is she doing this? Why can I not hear her? How can a mere human be so powerful as to block my attempts? I wonder….?"_

I know I looked smug. As much as I would have liked to hear her thoughts, I was proud of her for stumping him! Until…

"Jane" Aro called.

"Yes Master?" Jane answered him obediently.

"I wonder if dear Bella is immune to all our powers…" he suggested to her.

"NO" I yelled at them, stepping in front of Bella. I could not allow Jane, sick, sadistic, Jane to harm Bella. Alice reached out to stop me, shouting at me in her mind, but I was too frantic to pay heed to her words.

I found myself writhing on the floor. Oh God, the pain was immense. It was like reliving the burning of the change only 3x hotter. I clenched my jaw; I would not give Jane the satisfaction of hearing me scream.

Suddenly, I was free from the pain…I lay, panting on the floor, trying to release the memory of the torment. I heard Aro speak Jane's name once again softly and Jane's warning to Bella that it might hurt a bit. Before I could move, I heard the attack on Bella in Jane's mind. She wanted to see her writhing and screaming and begging for death.

I looked at Bella and she just stared at me. Her eyes were tormented, but not because of her own pain, but for the pain I had just gone through. Ha! Jane's power was useless against her too! What a woman I had found in my beloved! She was so strong, so brave. And I knew how I could hide her once we got away from here.

The Volturi tracker, Demetri, relied on the ability to get the 'flavor' of a person's mind and once he had, he could find them anywhere. I didn't believe he would able to find Bella, so I would be able to hide her and keep her safe.

I had to make sure not to touch Aro again while we were here. I couldn't allow him to know that I'd thought of a way to thwart them. Now I just had to find a way out for all of us.

"_If you had listened to me, you wouldn't have had to go through that! I 'saw' that Bella would be ok." _ Alice chastised me.

"HaHaHa, this is wonderful!" Aro clapped excitedly. Jane hissed, furiously. "Don't be put out, dear one, she confounds us all." He said, placating Jane. "What do we do with you now?" Aro asked.

Alice and I stiffened. This was what we'd been waiting for. Aro had been keeping his thoughts hidden from me for the last several minutes, so I didn't know what decision had been made.

"I suppose you haven't changed your mind about joining us Edward? You would be a valuable addition to our family." Aro asked me.

"I'd….rather….not." I replied as politely as possible.

"Alice?" Aro turned to her.

"No thank you." She told him brightly.

"Bella?" he asked, turning towards her next.

_"WHAT?" _I heard almost every mind in the room shout. I hissed. I couldn't believe what he was asking. Did he seriously just ask Bella to join the Volturi? As a human?

"What?" Caius exclaimed!

"Caius, surely you see the potential," Aro chided him gently. "Can you imagine the possibilities when she is one of us? She would make an intriguing immortal!" he stated baldly.

"No thank you." Bella stated quietly, but calmly.

"That's unfortunate. Such a waste." Aro sighed, sadly.

"Join you or die. Is that it Aro? I thought as much when we were brought to this room. So much for _your_ laws." I accused him carefully.

"No Edward, we were already convened here awaiting Heidi's return." Aro assured me.

"You know what you are going to do." Marcus stated.

"She knows too much." Caius said flatly.

"You have a few humans in on our secret here too Caius." I reminded him.

"And when their time is done, they will serve to sustain us. I do not believe that that is your intention is it? Nor do you intend to turn her. So, you leave us with no other option." Caius smirked at me.

"What if that is my intention?" I asked desperately looking for a loophole.

"You would have to mean it." Aro told me, holding out his hand to me. I froze. I couldn't allow him to touch me or he'd see all my other plans for alluding the Volturi.

Bella looked up at me. "Mean it, please." She pleaded with me. I looked at her, anguished. She was going to believe that my hesitation meant I didn't want her. That I would rather see all of us die than keep her with me forever. I didn't know how to reassure her without giving myself away.

Alice stepped forward. "Bella will become one of us. I've seen it." She offered her hand to Aro. I wished wholeheartedly that someone else had come instead of Alice. I knew how much Aro coveted her. She would be one of his greatest prizes. I also wished there were a way to prove her statement to Aro without him seeing all the other visions, conversations and thoughts she'd had. I wasn't sure how much of our advantage we might be giving away by allowing him the insight. However, I also knew how subjective Alice's visions were. She could make up her mind today to change Bella and change it again as soon as we were safely away.

"Interesting. To see what you have seen, even before it has happened!" Aro breathed.

"But it will happen." Alice assured him.

"Yes, yes of course. Certainly, there is no problem." Aro said happily.

"Aro!" Cauis complained.

"Peace brother. Do not fret. Imagine the possibilities. They do not join us today, but we can hope for the future. Besides, I can not wait to see how young Bella turns out." Aro reassured him.

"Then we are free to go?" I asked him cautiously.

"Yes, yes. But please come back and visit again. It has been absolutely enthralling." Aro said pleasantly.

"We will come to visit you as well. To make sure you have followed through on your promise. We do not offer second chances so do not take too long." Caius warned me. I nodded.

Felix groaned behind me.

"Patience Felix. Heidi will be here any moment." _"With her latest catch of wonderful, tasty tourists. I hope she managed to get a few children and young women for they are the sweetest."_ Aro cautioned him. My head snapped up at his thoughts. I had to get Bella out of here, now! She didn't need to see what was about to happen and I couldn't take the chance of someone attacking her and claiming an accident after.

"In that case, maybe we should leave now?" I asked him urgently.

"Of course. Yes, accidents do happen. Please wait below until after dark, if you don't mind." He agreed.

"Let's go," I said urgently to Bella and Alice. I could hear the voices of the humans being led this way. We needed to leave.

I gestured to the girls to follow Demetri out as I followed behind them. We hurried past Heidi and the 'tour' group she led. Not fast enough. I saw the moment Bella realized what was going on. I watched her eyes latch onto to an older woman worrying a rosary and begging people to please let her leave. Bella gasped and her eyes turned to me in horror. I cringed, knowing that there was nothing we could do to save these people.


	2. Chapter 2 Narrow Escape

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

NARROW ESCAPE

EPOV

We came back out into the waiting room with the human woman, Gianna. Bella, exhausted, frightened and at the end of her rope, began shaking and crying. A high pitch wail began to work its way out of her throat. I grabbed her and held on as tightly as I dared to trying to calm her. She felt so much more fragile than I remembered her. She curled herself into me and shuddered.

"All those people…" she whimpered. "I know. I'm so sorry you had to see that." I told her, smoothing her hair away from her wet face.

I couldn't stop looking at her. It was the first time since we'd been reunited that I'd had the opportunity to just look at her. I cataloged every inch of her face as she looked back at me. I could see where the time apart had changed her. Her cheeks were a little more prominent, her eyes not quite as … alive…I suppose would be the term for it, the lankness of her hair and the dark shadows under her eyes were almost as prominent as my own. Bella had suffered and suffered harshly, in our time apart from one another. My fault. All my fault. I hoped that she would be able to forgive me.

I could not stop myself from touching her, still not believing that I had her back in my arms. My fingers gently traced her eyes, her lips, her nose, her neck and brushed at her hair. Over and over again, while she stared back at me. "You look tired my love." I said, concerned. Tentatively, she reached up her hand and touched the circles under my eyes, "You look thirsty. I can go sit with Alice if you need me to?" she offered. I felt her hands tighten in the front of my robe though. I don't think she could handle a separation from me any more than I could handle one from her at this moment.

It occurred to me then, I was thirsty. I had not hunted in weeks and yet I had no desire at all for Bella's blood. The vein in her neck was inches away and I could smell her delicious aroma and hear the thick blood moving through her veins, but there was no thought in my head, no instinct in my body, to feed, to attack. The time I had lived, believing that I had lost Bella forever, appeared to have altered the monster within me. I could no longer fathom the idea of causing harm to Bella than I could the idea of murdering my family. The idea of drinking her blood or causing her pain was repulsive to me, to the point that I felt sick at the notion.

"Oh Edward, is it wrong of me to be so happy?" Bella cried, clutching at my clothes.

"I know just what you mean. But there are so many reasons for us to be happy. For one, we're alive." I told her.

"Yes, that's a good one." She gave me a small smile.

"For another, we're together." I added. She nodded slightly, hesitantly. Was she not happy we were together? Had she done as I'd said I wanted her to and found someone else to be happy with? We needed to talk, but this was obviously not the place. She fell silent again, staring up at me through tear-filled eyes.

While Bella and I stared into each other's eyes (I'm not sure there has been a time when I'd wished to hear her thoughts as much as I did right at this moment), Alice and I discussed the trip home at vampire speed and levels. I didn't want Gianna to gain any information that could be used against us.

"When we leave here, I'll go retrieve mine and Bella's packs and find a car to 'borrow'. We're going to have to make a quick shopping stop along the way. You'll be a little conspicuous in that robe once we're outside Volterra, Edward. I think Bella would feel better and draw less attention if we let her freshen up a little too." Alice told me.

"Make it a quick shopping trip Alice…I don't need anything special to get on a plane to Forks!" I cautioned my sister, well aware that there were several well-known stores in Italy that she might be longing to let loose her credit card in.

"I know. It's a shame. Who knows when it will be safe for any of us to come this close to Volterra again! But, it's important to get Bella back to Charlie. He's going to totally flip out on you as it is. Consider yourself forewarned. He's not all that happy with me but you are Charlie's least favorite person in the whole world right now." She sighed.

I winced. I can imagine what Charlie thinks of me. It's a good thing I'm bulletproof. But I'd rather not fight with Charlie. It couldn't be good for Bella to feel like she's in the middle.

Gianna came over and asked if she could get something to which I replied in the negative.

Finally, Alec returned to inform us that we could leave.

We got up quickly. I had to support Bella as I felt her body begin to sag. My poor love was exhausted and her body knew it even if she refused to acknowledge it. I needed to get her on the plane home so that she could sleep.

As we walked outside, it was readily apparent that the party atmosphere from the St. Marcus festival had taken on an adult flavor. Men and women everywhere were dressed in dark cloaks (very similar to the one I was now wearing thanks to Aro) and sporting those absurd plastic fangs. Alcohol and recreational drugs tinted the air with their distinctive scents. Alice touched my arm and indicated that she would go gather their belongings and meet us outside the city limits with a car. I pulled Bella closer to myself and began walking as quickly as she could manage. She paused and looked back up in the direction of the tower and shivered. I was glad the tower was not visible from here. Bella suddenly stiffened and looked around anxiously.

"Where is Alice?" she whispered in a panic.

"She went to retrieve your packs. She'll meet us outside the city." I told her calmly.

"She's stealing another car isn't she?" She wondered.

I grinned at her. "Not until we're outside."

I led Bella under the portcullis and felt her shudder. It looked like a big steel trap waiting to spring and keep us here. I wanted to shudder with her but thought it would be best not to let her see my concerns.

We walked up to the dark car running and waiting for us. I slid into the backseat with Bella instead of driving. Alice could drive just as well as I could and I couldn't bear to have Bella out of my arms for a single instant. I held her tightly to me, wrapped up in the gray cloak and hoped that she was warm enough.

Alice pulled away and raced toward Venice where she insisted on going into _Versace_ to obtain my new wardrobe. We used the public restroom to change and allow Bella to brush her teeth and wash her face. Apparently, that action helped lift her mood tremendously!

We sped onwards to the airport and finally settled into our seats in first class. As soon as the seatbelt light went out, I pulled Bella into my lap and wrapped her in my arms again.

"It's okay, you can sleep now. It's all over." I reassured her gently.

Her eyes went wide and she shook her head at me. "I don't want to sleep. I'm afraid I'll see things I don't want to."

Of course, she would be afraid of the nightmarish images that might fill her mind while it was most vulnerable.

"_It's probably not a good idea to let her sleep anyway, Edward. Charlie told me that she's been having nightmares for months where she wakes up screaming. The other passengers might be disturbed by that event." _ Alice interrupted my thoughts.

I glanced quickly over at her with one eyebrow raised and she nodded back at me sadly. I looked back at my love and wished I could cry. What had I done to this girl? How could she possibly ever forgive me?

I watched Bella silently through the long flight as she drank Coke after Coke brought to her by the flight attendant. I knew her low tolerance for caffeine and I knew that once the Coke stopped flowing she was going to crash.

Alice whispered to me, "she hasn't slept in a little over 2 days."

I sighed. She was going to make herself sick. Again it would be my fault. I began to pray to the God Carlisle held so much faith in. The one I hadn't allowed myself to turn to in decades. I didn't think He'd listen to one such as myself, but maybe, if the prayer were on the behalf of one of his mortal children, He'd respond.

I kissed Bella's face, inhaling her scent every time. It was so precious to me now and I welcomed the burn in my throat because it meant she was alive. I couldn't stop myself from pressing light kisses again and again to her face, her hair and her hands …everywhere I could reach, except her lips. The wary look in her eyes stopped me from kissing her there and I worried that I might never again be permitted to taste the honeyed flavor of her lips.

We made the flight to Atlanta, the plane change for Sea-Tac and the flight into Seattle mostly in silence. Alice was on the phone with Jasper reassuring him that she was ok and we were almost home. Our family was already in Seattle waiting for us apparently. Other than her soft voice, the silence was broken only by Bella asking for more Coke. I didn't know how she was managing to remain awake, but she was losing the battle. She could barely keep her eyes open now.

We landed at Sea-Tac and began debarking the plane. I could hear Carlisle, Esme and Jasper's mental 'voices' as soon as we landed.

"_I can't believe he did this. I cannot believe that I almost lost my son and two daughters today. God, thank you for saving my children. Thank you for bringing them home to us. " –_ Carlisle prayed fervently.

"_My children. I need to see my children. What was he thinking? Did he think our family would survive his loss? How could we not see how much pain he was in?" –_ Esme lamented.

"_Alice, Alice, Alice…Edward, we are so going to talk brother! Alice, Alice, ALICE!"-_ Jasper chanted.

I closed my eyes. They were not going to make this easy on me. Not that I deserved easy after everything I'd done. I'd hurt so many people with my actions. Maybe not intentionally, but hurt them all the same.

I leaned Bella into my side as she stumbled her way off the plane. I knew when the family first caught sight of us. I looked up at Esme's gasp to see her hands fly to her mouth and her horrified eyes turn to Carlisle's.

"Carlisle, she's so thin and pale. What have we done?" Esme whispered to him. I watched as he shook his head slowly. "I won't know for certain until I can examine her properly, but she doesn't look well." He responded sadly.

"_Oh my baby girl. My youngest daughter. My little Bella. I hope you can forgive us. We need you, probably more than you would ever guess. Somehow, you became the glue that holds our family together. You are our missing puzzle piece. Edward, she belongs with us. I hope you see that now."_ Esme cried out mentally to Bella.

"_Son, she's malnourished and exhausted. Her heartbeat is erratic. Her breathing is shallow. She's almost as pale as we are and the shadows under her eyes tell me that she hasn't slept deeply or well for months."_ Carlisle triaged Bella as we walked towards them. _"Do you realize now how attached she is to you? We all underestimated the depth of her feelings by assuming that she couldn't feel as deeply as we can. We were wrong. Horribly wrong to leave her the way we did. We will be lucky if she forgives us. Sweet Bella, how wrong I was to allow this. Please forgive us dear girl. We all love you so much."_

"_ALICE. My Alice! Don't you ever do that to me again! Good heavens…the exhaustion and desperation coming from Bella is almost overwhelming! Edward, you better take care of that girl. Her heart is still breaking…why?" _Jasper sent an aside to me while his whole focus was on Alice walking towards him.

I felt Bella jerk briefly when she saw my family. She obviously wasn't expecting to see anyone here to meet us. I carefully continued to lead her forward.

Alice walked straight to Jasper and held out her hands to him. They did not embrace or speak. Everything they needed to say was communicated through their touch and their glance. It was intensely private and I turned my gaze away.

Esme came forward and fiercely grabbed Bella in an embrace. "Thank you so much." She said into her ear before turning on me. "You will NEVER put me through that again!" she growled at me.

"Sorry, Mom." I grinned at her repentantly.

Carlisle put his hand on Bella's shoulder. "Thank you, Bella. We owe you." He told her tenderly.

"Hardly." Bella mumbled.

"She's dead on her feet." Esme said looking at me reproachfully. "Let's get her home."

I think Bella was mostly asleep at this point, but she was still gamely putting one foot in front of the other. We walked to the parking garage, Esme and Carlisle in front of us with Jasper and Alice behind. As we approached the car I saw Rosalie and Emmett standing near the dark sedan. I heard Bella give a startled gasp and guessed that she hadn't expected to see them here either. I stiffened when I looked at Rosalie.

"_Edward…please…" _ Rosalie silently begged me.

"_Just give her a chance to explain, bro."_ Emmett asked me.

"Don't." Esme admonished me. "She feels awful."

"She should." I said coldly.

"It's not her fault." Bella muttered.

"Let her make amends. We'll ride with Alice and Jasper." Esme insisted.

"Please, Edward." Bella implored me. With a sigh, I relented. I couldn't say no to Bella at this point.

We climbed into the backseat of the car and Rosalie started the engine. Bella put her head on my chest and I felt her body relax, preparing to give up the fight on sleep.

"Edward," Rosalie started.

"I know." I said harshly. I didn't want her to wake up Bella. That plan was shattered when Rosalie turned her gaze on Bella.

"Bella?" she asked softly.

"Yes, Rosalie?" Bella sounded confused and hesitant. I realized that it was the first time that Rosalie had ever spoken directly to her.

"I'm so very sorry, Bella. I feel very wretched about every part of this, and I'm so grateful that you were brave enough to go save my brother after what I did. Please say you'll forgive me." Rosalie said awkwardly but sincerely.

"Of course, Rosalie," Bella mumbled, "It's not your fault at all. I'm the one who jumped off the damn cliff. Of course I forgive you."

Bella's words were slurred sleepily together and Emmett chuckled.

"It doesn't count unless she's conscious babe." He told Rose.

Bella garbled a reply. Probably to tell Rosalie that she was conscious, but you couldn't really tell.

"Let her sleep." I told them as I pulled her tighter to my chest.

Rose put the car in drive and we sped back to Forks. I braced myself for the meeting with Charlie. I was amazed to realize that I feared this human man. I had no fear of him physically, but I feared his reproach. I knew how much he meant to Bella and how much she admired her father and I hated that I had hurt him when I hurt Bella. I feared his thoughts and memories most though. He's the one who had been there watching over Bella this whole time and I knew his memories would be strong.

We pulled in and Charlie shouted for Bella. She stirred a little I my arms and I hushed her and told her she was home and safe and to just sleep.

"I can't believe you have the nerve to show your face here." Charlie bellowed at me. _"You little bastard. How dare you touch her? How dare you come back into her life now? Just when she finally seems to be coming out of the depression and moving on with her life, you have to come back and ruin it again. I won't let you. I won't allow you to come near my baby girl again!"_ his mind ran through those images I had been so afraid of and if I hadn't had Bella in my arms I might have fallen to my knees under the onslaught.

"Stop it, Dad." Bella groaned, but Charlie couldn't hear her.

"What's wrong with her?" He demanded.

"She's just very tired, Charlie," I assured him quietly, "Please let her rest."

"Don't tell me what to do!" Charlie yelled. "Give her to me. Get your hands off her!"

I tried to do as he asked. I tried to pass Bella to him knowing that he had the right of it. I had no rights when it came to her, not any longer. But Bella wouldn't let me go. She clung to me as tightly as possible even while Charlie yanked and tugged at her arm.

"Cut it out, Dad," she said a little louder than before, "Be mad at _me_!"

"You bet I will be," Charlie promised her. "Get inside."

"Kay." She sighed. "Let me down."

I put her on her feet and while she was standing upright I could see that she was extremely unbalanced. She lifted one foot, trying to walk and pitched forward towards the sidewalk. I leapt forward and caught her.

"Just let me get her upstairs," I pleaded with Charlie, "Then I'll leave."

"NO," Bella cried out, a note of panic in her voice.

"I won't be far," I promised her, whispering so low into her hair that Charlie couldn't hear me.

I carried her up the stairs and gently pried her fingers off my shirt. She was already sound asleep as I covered her with her blanket and whispered "I love you" as I kissed her forehead gently.

I turned around to find Charlie standing behind me, glaring. He stepped to the side and gestured roughly to the door. I looked one last time at my Bella and walked out of her room. Charlie softly closed her door and followed me downstairs.

Charlie's spoken and mental diatribe was so closely matched it was like hearing him in stereo. He advanced on me and I took a step back. I didn't want him to touch me and discover how hard my skin was, but he took it as a sign of intimidation. That was fine with me, anything that might help.

"You listen to me, you bastard," he hissed at me quietly, "You are never to come through my door into my house and near my daughter again! You have no right to see her, speak to her or even look at her after what you did to her. It has taken her friends and I 6 months to put her back together again after you walked out and destroyed her. She doesn't need you anymore. Now get out and don't come back again! If I see you around here, I might shoot first and ask questions later. Got it?"

I wanted to apologize, to explain somehow, but Charlie's thoughts told me that he wasn't ready to hear anything from me. Instead of angering him further, I decided to leave as he requested before returning to Bella's room later.

I nodded once to him, hung my head and walked back out to the car where Rosalie and Emmett waited for me. I felt a tugging sensation, the further away from Bella that I got, but I had no choice but to continue on. I got into the back seat and told Rose to drop me off around the corner where Charlie couldn't see me. I asked them to please let Carlisle and Esme know that I would be home when I could, but that I had promised Bella I would be there when she woke and I couldn't leave her right now.

Rose stopped the car and wished me a quiet good night while Emmett gave my shoulder an encouraging squeeze. I got out of the car and doubled back to Bella's house. I had to wait outside in the trees for a long time as Charlie was sitting in the rocking chair in Bella's room watching her sleep. After several hours, he finally got up to go to bed and as soon as I heard him relax in sleep, I crept back in through the window to take his place in the chair. I gazed at my love and contented myself with counting her heartbeats.


	3. Chapter 3 Awakening

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

AWAKENING

EPOV

My love had been sleeping for 13 hrs so far and had been growing restless indicating that she would be waking soon.

I began looking around her room, at this place where I had spent so many happy nights with her, and I realized that while it still smelled like Bella, it no longer looked like Bella's room.

There were no personal items sitting out anymore, pictures of friends were no longer on the walls, her books were gone, her cd player and music cd's were gone and her senior year photo album was missing.

In fact, if it weren't for the few articles of clothing spread around the room and the schoolbooks on the desk, a casual on looker would look in this room and assume it didn't belong to anyone, let alone a teenage girl in her senior year of high school.

I put my head in my hands and wanted to weep. I hadn't only broken Bella, but I'd practically erased her! What an incredibly stupid idea it had been, to think that I could just walk out of Bella's life and not leave any damage in my wake. Especially after the terrifically intense past year we'd been together.

I'd been arrogant and self-absorbed to believe that I would be the only one who would be hurt by my decision. I had blindly gone ahead with my planning, truly believing it was best, without once listening to the wisdom of those around me:

Carlisle, asking me repeatedly if I was sure I wanted to do this. I'd thought his main concern had been knowing how much pain I was going to be in without my soul mate, but judging by his thoughts at the airport, he'd obviously suspected the turmoil it would cause Bella as well.

Esme, sorrowfully packing up the house to leave, her thoughts centered on the pain of leaving behind one she thought of as her daughter. She had worried constantly about how much pain it was going to cause Bella when she was told that not only had I left her, but so had the entire family. She tried to hide her thoughts because she knew they were painful to me, but her distress broke through her mental walls over and over again.

Alice, who told me repeatedly how stupid I was being and tried to get me look at the visions she was having showing a lost and broken Bella. I finally had to tell her to stop looking for Bella's future because I couldn't handle the images. If I had only paid more attention to them I might have noticed that not all the images were from the beginning of our separation but had continued months down the road. If Alice hadn't been so concerned about Jasper, I'm not sure I could have gotten her to leave her best friend and sister. As it was, having to choose between taking care of her soul mate and staying to take care of her sister, broke her heart.

Jasper, so consumed with guilt at his lapse, promised me he would work harder on his resistance to the scent of human blood. I told him I didn't blame him. He then begged me to allow him to leave so that I could stay with Bella. I insisted that the family should not be broken apart and that Alice would be miserable if they left the family. He withdrew into himself and castigated himself with his shame and personal grief.

Emmett, who considered Bella the perfect little sister and an unexpected friend. He was depressed at the thought of missing any of the humorous 'human' moments his little sis often gifted him with. He wondered who would protect her with her brother gone. And he never missed an opportunity to tell me that I was idiot any time I was in mental range.

Only Rosalie thought I was making the right choice to leave Bella. Although she had been angrier with the fact that I had brought her into our lives at all thus forcing us to leave Forks earlier than we might have had to. She liked it here and had hoped we might get at least one more year out of it. Listening to her thoughts on the drive home last night gave me the impression that she had changed her tune. She admitted that she had not really believed that Bella was my soul mate, but couldn't ignore or deny that fact any longer.

I sighed and turned to take a seat next to Bella on her bed. She appeared to be waking soon and I only hoped she was ready to talk to me and allow me to beg for her forgiveness.

She appeared to be struggling to surface from a nightmare so I reached out to smooth her hair from her forehead. I hoped that the coolness of my hand might offer her some comfort. I lay down next to her and wrapped her in my arms. If this were the last time I was allowed to hold her, I would steal this moment to remember.

She opened her eyes and looked at me. "Oh," she gasped, "Oh crap. I'm dead, right? I _did_ drown. Crap, crap, crap! This is gonna kill Charlie!" she moaned.

I frowned at her in confusion. Dead? Why would she believe herself to be dead? "You're not dead." I told her calmly.

We spent some time going back and forth while I convinced her that neither was she dead nor I a hallucination. She finally accepted that I was real and that the events of the last 3 days had really occurred.

She was surprised when I told her she'd been asleep for about fourteen hours and it was just after one in the morning. She was furious when I told that Charlie had banned me from the house and my still heart warmed with relief that she wanted me around.

When she told me that I needed to let go of my guilt and not allow it to rule my life I was stunned. Guilt? She thought I had gone to the Volturi out of guilt?

It took some time to convince her that I had lied to her when I left. I was angry and hurt that she had believed me so easily when I had uttered those blasphemous words to her.

She told me that she believed because it had never made sense that I would love her and she had always wondered if it was too good to be true. She then explained to me that the reason she wouldn't allow me to kiss her lips was because she couldn't bear to experience that again only to have me leave once more.

I begged her to tell me if it was possible for her to still love me, all the while fearing that she had fallen in love with another. I stared into her eyes, not realizing I was holding my breath, waiting for her answer.

"Of course I love you-and there's nothing you can do about it!" she answered me heatedly.

That was all I needed to hear before I claimed her mouth, her heart and her soul as my own. I was not gentle. I was not hesitant. For once I was not thinking about all the rules I had imposed on us for our lovemaking. Her hands shot into my hair and she pressed herself to me. Her heartbeat, a jagged and disjointed rhythm, beat against my chest. Her breathing turned to pants and I moved to lay my ear against her heart. I was home. That was the sound that I found the most calming in times of stress.

"By the way," I told her, "I'm not leaving you."

She didn't believe me. She stayed silent and I knew the battle for true forgiveness and belief had not been won yet. I was at a loss as to know how to get her to understand that I couldn't leave again…I was not strong enough to go through this again. She didn't want to hear my promises and I just wanted to promise her everything.

Bella changed the subject to my supposed 'distractions' and I explained that I had been tracking Victoria. She reared back in shock and almost shrieked at me. I explained that I obviously hadn't been doing a very good job at it since Victoria was here and I had been looking for her in Brazil, but that her time was very short as I intended to finish the job.

My love interrupted me to remind me that I had just promised not leave her again, so that left out the possibility of an extended tracking expedition. I tried to calm her down and explain that I would keep my promise but that Victoria had to die…soon.

"I've got bigger problems than Victoria and the werewolves." She reminded me. "There are others coming to look for me."

"The Volturi don't count years the same way we do. They count years the way you count days. I wouldn't be surprised if you were thirty before you crossed their minds again." I reassured her lightly.

She gazed at me in horror. "Thirty," she whispered, "What? You're going to stay, but let me get all old anyway? Right."

"That's exactly what I'm going to do. What choice have I? I cannot be without you, but I will not destroy your soul." I told explained to her tenderly.

"What about when I get so old people think I'm your mother? Your grandmother?" Her voice was full of revulsion and I quickly reassured her that she would always be beautiful to me.

"But the Volturi aren't going to forget about me…"she hissed at me.

"No, they won't forget, but…" I explained that I had plans.

"And these plans," she spit each word out bitterly. "These plans all center around me staying _human_?

I agreed and she surprised me by pushing me away and telling me that she was leaving. When I asked her where she was going, she told me that she was going to my house.

I watched her fumble around in the dark for her shoes and I handed them to her. I blocked her at the door to her room and she turned around and headed for the window. My girl was determined to visit my house and I couldn't very well let her jump out of her window on her own, so I offered to give her a ride.

"Either way," she informed me, "But you probably should be there too."

"And why is that?"

"Because you're incredibly opinionated, and I'm sure you'll want a chance to air your views."

"My views on which subject." I asked through my teeth.

"This isn't just about you anymore. If you're going to bring the Volturi down on us over something as stupid as leaving me human, then your family ought to have a say."

"A say in what?" I bit off my words.

"My mortality. I'm putting it to a vote."

She's WHAT? She can't possibly believe that I would change her on the strength of a _vote_! This isn't something you can vote on!

I'll take her to my house and we'll sit down with my family and discuss this and yes, she's right, I will voice my opinion. But it doesn't matter what my family votes…Bella's soul is _not_ up for discussion.

**A/N: I hope this chapter doesn't feel as rushed as I felt writing it. It's difficult to do justice to the interim chapters leading up to where I want them to go...I just can't seem to type as fast as my mind wants to churn out the words! And considering I type 70+ wpm...that's frustrating! LOL**

**Thanks to all of you who've reviewed. Those who haven't reviewed but have read this story so far, I hope you stay with it and let me know at the end how you liked it!  
**


	4. Chapter 4 The Vote

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

THE VOTE

EPOV

I took Bella into my arms and sprang out the window, landing lightly on my feet. Bella's eyes were wide in surprise. I think the drop was a little further down than she'd imagined.

I helped Bella onto my back and started running. My mind was bouncing between disapproval for Bella's idea and possible strategies for getting around it.

Bella was quiet on my back but had not buried her face in my shoulder with her eyes shut like she had in the past. Running with me had always given her motion sickness before but she did not seem fazed by it now.

She suddenly turned her face into me and pressed a soft and warm kiss into my neck. I wanted to close my eyes at the benediction.

"Thank you," I told her. "Does that mean you've decided you're awake?"

She laughed and it was the most beautiful sound I'd heard in a very long time. It sounded easy and natural. It sounded right.

"Not really. More that either way, I'm not trying to wake up. Not tonight."

My heart ached. "I'll earn your trust back somehow, " I murmured to myself. "If it's my final act!"

"I trust you," she assured me. "It's me I don't trust."

"Explain that, please." I asker her, slowing to a walk. We weren't far from the house now and I wanted to know all I could before we went inside.

"Well-" she seemed to struggle with the words. "I don't trust myself to be…enough. To deserve you. There's nothing about me that could _hold_ you."

I felt cold inside at her words. My love had never seen herself properly and now it seemed I had destroyed whatever self-worth she _had_ possessed. Was there no end to the destruction I'd caused?

I stopped running and pulled her around until I could put her on her feet in front of me. I wrapped my arms tightly around her and hugged her to my chest. I prayed that my touch would convey the truth that she refused to believe in my words.

"Your hold is permanent and unbreakable," I whispered. "Never doubt that." But I could see on her face that she did.

"You never told me…," I murmured, trying to change the subject.

"What?"

"What your greatest problem is?"

"I'll give you one guess." She sighed and touched the tip of my nose with her finger.

I nodded. I deserved the pain that accompanied her statement. "I'm worse than the Volturi. I guess I've earned that." I told her grimly.

She rolled her eyes at me. "The worst the Volturi can do is kill me. _You_ can leave me. The Volturi, Victoria…they're nothing compared to that."

The anguish that rolled through me at her words was almost as bad as the fire I'd suffered through by Jane. I was sickened. I was saddened and I was terrified that I had killed any chance that she might trust in me again.

"Don't be sad." She whispered desperately and I tried to smile for her.

"If there was someway to make you see that I _can't_ leave you…Time, I suppose, will be the only way to convince you."

Her beautiful face brightened. She liked the idea of time, so I guess maybe there was hope after all.

"Okay." She agreed. "So-since you're staying. Can I have my stuff back?" she asked, her tone light.

I couldn't help it. I laughed. I had felt so stupid, so pathetic when I had hidden her things under the floorboards in her room. I admitted as much to her and she smiled at me. "Really?"

The pain lifted slightly when I saw the obvious pleasure that information gave her. She was clearly delighted that she still had the photos and cd of my music in her home. They were still important to her…and I was an idiot to take them from her.

Still watching me, she tilted her head slightly to the side, "I think," she said slowly, "I'm not sure, but I wonder…I think maybe I knew it the whole time."

Knew it? Knew what? That I was so foolish as to hide her belongings? How could she possibly have known that? "What did you know?"

"Some part of me, my subconscious maybe, never stopped believing that you still cared whether I lived or died. That's probably why I was hearing the voices."

VOICES? Oh dear God, had I driven my darling Bella insane? Okay, I know, I hear voices in my head…but that's been going on for a long time and they actually belong to other people! I don't think that's what Bella's talking about though. I was quiet for a moment until I could control my voice. "Voices?" I asked flatly.

"Well, just one voice. Yours. It's a long story." She looked at me as though she expected me to take her to the nearest loony bin. I was still patiently waiting for the explanation that would make that trip unnecessary… "I've got time." I told her, my voice unnaturally even.

"It's pretty pathetic."

I waited.

"Do you remember what Alice told you about extreme sports?"

My voice still even I answered her. "You jumped off a cliff for fun."

"Er, right. And before that, with the motorcycle-"

I wanted to groan. Motorcycle's too? I had once told Bella that it was a lot more difficult trying to keep a person alive than I had thought it would be, but maybe that was because it was just her. Now I find out that she's been riding motorcycles in addition to jumping of cliffs. I change my mind, it's an impossible task.

"Motorcycle?"

"I guess I didn't tell Alice about that part."

"No."

"Well, I found out that…when I was doing something dangerous or stupid…I could remember you more clearly. I could remember how you sounded when you were angry. Mostly I tried not to think of you, but this didn't hurt so much-it was like you were still here protecting me. Like you didn't want me to be hurt. And, well, I wonder if the reason I could hear you so clearly was because, underneath it all, I always knew that you hadn't stopped loving me." As she spoke, her words became stronger, as though by speaking them out loud she was finally able to recognize the truth, the rightness of what she had said. I however was still stuck on the first part of her statement…

"You…were…risking your life…to hear-" I forced the words out sounding half strangled.

"Shh," she interrupted me. "Hold on a second. I think I'm having an epiphany here."

An epiphany…I think _I_ was having an aneurysm, if that were possible for a vampire… My mind playing images of my beautiful, breakable Bella on a motorcycle and flinging herself off cliffs and confronting ancient vampires in their own home all for sake of me! Not for the first time since meeting Bella, I longed for the oblivion of sleep where I could have just let it all go for a while.

"Oh." She exclaimed.

"Bella?"

"Oh. Okay. I see."

"Your epiphany?" My voice sounded uneven and strained even to my ears.

"You love me." She said this as a statement and there was conviction heavy in her voice for the first time.

I smiled at her. I couldn't help it. "Truly, I do."

I listened to the sound as her heartbeat sped up and her face began to glow and I knew that finally she had accepted that I loved her and wanted her forever. Finally, she believed that it was only worry for her soul that kept me from selfishly changing her so I could keep her and not because I didn't want her.

I took her face between my hands and kissed her with all the fear, love and desperation I felt. I had to remind myself to allow her to breath and pull back. I rested my forehead to hers and realized that I was breathing just as hard as she was.

"You were better at it than I was, you know." I admitted to her.

"Better at what?"

"Surviving. You, at least, made an effort. You got up in the morning, tried to be normal for Charlie and continued with the pattern of your life. When I was actively tracking Victoria, I was…totally useless. I couldn't be around my family-I couldn't be around anyone. I more or less just curled up into a ball and let the misery take me." I admitted sheepishly. "That was much more pathetic than just hearing voices. And, of course, you know I do that, too."

"I only heard one voice." She corrected me.

I laughed and pulled her tightly to my side as I started walking again to the house. I could hear Carlisle's thoughts as we approached.

"_Is everything okay, Edward? It's kind of early for Bella to be up and about isn't it? Is she ill?"_

"I'm just humoring you with this. It doesn't matter in the slightest what they say." I motioned her to the house, sitting pale and immense in the darkness.

"_Ok. Not ill. Doesn't matter what we say about what, son?"_ Carlisle mused to himself. He knew I could hear him, but he wasn't actually expecting a response.

"This affects them now, too."

I shrugged indifferently as I listened to Carlisle. _"Ok, now I am…intrigued. What concerns us? Well, anything to do with Bella concerns us, but I wonder what she's referring to? Oh well, I guess we're about to find out."_

The house was perfectly back in order by now. No dust covers, nothing out of place, not even any dust, but then my family had had hours to put everything away.

I called for my family knowing that they could hear me would come. "Carlisle? Esme? Rosalie? Emmett? Jasper? Alice?"

Carlisle was suddenly beside us as though he'd been here all along. He placed a hand lightly on my shoulder, _"Son." _ He turned to Bella, "Welcome back, Bella." He smiled at her gently. "What can we do for you this morning? I imagine, due to the hour, that this is not a purely social visit?"

Bella nodded. "I'd like to talk to everyone at once, if that's okay. About something important."

Bella glanced up at me and Carlisle looked at me as well. _"Edward? You look resigned. Is everything okay with the two of you? Shall we go into the dining room for this discussion?"_

I nodded briefly, imperceptibly and Carlisle turned back to Bella. "Of course. Why don't we talk in the other room?" He led the way through the bright living room around the corner to the dining room, turning on the lights as he went. In the center of the dining room, under the chandelier, was a large, polished oval table with eight chairs. We obviously didn't eat in this room. This was our family 'council' room. Carlisle had added the eighth chair shortly after I'd brought Bella to meet them the first time, but this was the first time Bella had been in this room.

He motioned her to sit in a chair at the head of the table as the rest of the family followed us into the room. Carlisle sat on Bella's right and I on her left. Everyone else took his or her seats in 'relative' quiet. Relative being the operative word as they were all hammering me with questions in their thoughts. All but Alice who had probably seen this meeting coming.

Esme- _"Is everything alright dear? She looks a lot better after her long sleep, but I still don't like how thin she's gotten. I need to make sure I stock the pantry back up so that I can feed her properly. Edward, you look grim or tolerant. What's going on?"_

Alice- _"Sorry Edward. I'm not showing you the outcome to this meeting! Besides, a few minds are not made up yet, but it doesn't really matter." _ And then started mentally singing show tunes to block me out…I hate it when she does that.

Jasper- _"Edward, you seem calmly upset. Not an emotion I'm used to from you. It's usually more pronounced one way or another. Alice is really excited about something, but she hasn't told me what. Is it about this meeting?"_

Emmett- _"Little sis still looks ill. You need to take care of her bro. Rosalie is nervous about being in here with you. Please go easy on her, okay? She made a mistake and she's really sorry."_

Rosalie- _"This cannot be good. Alice is too excited. Edward looks…angry? Determined? Bella looks nervous. Well that makes two of us. I wonder what she wants? She doesn't look mad at me at least, so I guess she really did forgive me. Have you, Edward?"_

I ignored Rose's last question. I really wasn't sure of the answer yet, so I thought it best to just let it lie for a while.

Carlisle nodded to Bella. "The floor is yours."

I heard her swallow hard and her pulse quickened. She has never been comfortable being the center of attention and she now sat at the head of the family with eyes on her. I reached under the table for her hand and gave it a soft squeeze. She could do this. Even if I didn't like where she was going with this meeting I was still proud of her for facing them all. I watched the others fiercely. They would know, as soon as Bella stated her proposition, how I would feel about it. How would they decide?

"Well," she began hesitantly, "I'm hoping Alice has already told you everything that happened in Volterra?"

"Everything." The pixie assured her.

"And on the way?" Now what did that question mean? I hadn't had time to question Alice in regards to the trip there. What had they discussed?

"That, too." Alice nodded. She was still blocking me.

"Good," Bella sighed, "Then we're all on the same page." Not quite, but I'd catch as we went I was sure.

"So, I have a problem. Alice promised the Volturi that I would become one of you. They're going to send someone to check, and I'm sure that's bad thing-something to avoid." She began.

"_Yes. That's a definite bad thing…"_ Jasper thought to himself with a quick glance at me.

"And so, now, this involves you all. I'm sorry about that." She looked around the table at all of us. "But, if you don't want me, then I'm not going to force myself on you, whether Alice is willing or not."

Esme opened her mouth to speak to Bella, _'Of course we want you, you darling, silly girl,"_ but Bella held up her finger to stop her.

"Please, let me finish. You all know what I want. And I'm sure you know what Edward thinks, too. I think the only fair way to decide is for everyone to have a vote…"

"_A vote? Is she serious?" _was the thought that was shouted at me from several different directions at once.

"…If you decide you don't want me, then…I guess I'll go back to Italy alone. I can't have _them_ coming _here_."

"_Oh Hell NO! There is no way we're letting her go back to the Volturi." _ I heard Jasper and Emmett think together. _"She belongs to us!" _I heard Emmett add in.

"_I don't think so, daughter. We almost lost you forever once already, I'm not sitting back and watching it happen again."_ Carlisle thought.

"_Oh, Bella. Like we'd allow THAT!"_ Alice rolled her eyes at the notion.

"_No…I can't lose another child. No…No my girl. You are staying right here with your family where you belong!" _ Esme's thoughts were firm.

"_She really is selfless isn't she? Can anyone really be that…giving? I think I've misjudged her. I hope she'll forgive me for that too…and for my vote."_ Rosalie wondered.

I just sat in shock as I absorbed what she had just suggested. Did she really believe that I would sit back and ALLOW her to go off to Italy to get herself killed? I felt the faint growl in my chest.

"Taking into account, then, that I won't put any of you in danger either way,…"

"_You are one of us. Putting you in danger in out of the question too!"_ Several voices broke into my head with that one thought.

"…I want you to vote yes or no on the issue of me becoming a vampire." She finished this statement with a half-smile at the last word. Bella tended to avoid saying 'vampire' often, I think it still made her feel a little silly believing in such mythical beings. She turned to Carlisle for his response and I interrupted quickly.

"Just a minute." I looked around at my family as Bella glared at me through narrow eyes. I raised my eyebrows at her, reminding her that she said I could have my say, and gently squeezed her hand.

"I have something to add before we vote."

I outlined my theory regarding Demetri's ability and how I thought we could use Bella's mental immunity to thwart his attempts to find her, thus keeping her safe.

"But they can find you." Bella reminded me.

"And I can take care of myself."

Emmett laughed and reached across the table extending his fist. "Excellent plan, my brother." His words and thoughts a perfect match.

"No." Rosalie hissed.

"Absolutely not." Bella agreed.

"Nice." Jasper's voice was appreciative.

"Idiots." Alice muttered.

Esme just glared at me.

Bella straighten back up in her chair and took control of the meeting back into her hands.

"All right, then. Edward has offered an alternative for you to consider," she stated coolly. "Let's vote."

She turned to me first this time. "Do you want me to join your family?"

Tricky woman! Of course, I wanted her to join my family and she figured she'd worded the question so that I was trapped into the answer she wanted. Well, I hadn't lived a century for nothing…"Not that way. You're staying human." I told her flatly.

She nodded once and continued around the table.

"Alice?"

"Yes."

"Jasper?"

"Yes." She seemed a little startled by Jasper's answer. She didn't realize that he considered her part of the family already and was so consumed by his guilt over the birthday incident, that he would gladly give her anything she wanted. He knows she doesn't blame him, but he blames himself for being weak and he desperately wanted to make it up to her.

"Rosalie?"

Rosalie hesitated briefly, biting on her bottom lip before softly responding, "No."

Bella began to turn her head to move on and Rosalie held up her hands, palms forward in plea.

"Let me explain,' she pleaded. "I don't mean that I have any aversion to you as a sister. _Actually you might be a pretty cool sister._ It's just that…this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I wish there had been someone there to vote no for me. _ You don't really understand everything you might be giving up. You can't…you're so young still._"

Bella nodded slowly, accepting that Rosalie's answer did not come from spite as it might have been previously, but from concern. She turned to Emmett.

"Hell, yes!" He grinned at her. "We can find some other way to pick a fight with this Demetri."

Bella grimaced at that as she turned to Esme.

"Yes, of course, Bella. I already think of you as part of my family." _ My beloved, human daughter. Don't you know how much we love you?"_

Bella became nervous suddenly as she turned to Carlisle. She knew as the head of our family, Carlisle's vote would carry the most weight. Carlisle was very aware of my opinion concerning Bella's soul. I turned to look at him too.

"Edward." He looked back at me. _"Son, I know how you feel, but I cannot lose my son…or my daughter. I love her too. I'm sorry."_

"No." I growled at him, my lips pulled back from my teeth. How could he, when he knew my feelings about this?

"It's the only way that makes sense. You've chosen not to live without her, and that doesn't leave me a choice."

I let go of Bella's hand. I didn't want to accidentally hurt her in my temper. I stalked out of the room, snarling. "I guess you know my vote," I heard Carlisle sigh. "Thanks," was Bella's soft reply.

My rage was uncontrollable and I needed to let it out. My eyes fell on the new flat screen TV Emmett had installed shortly before we moved. We'd only used it a couple times, but I didn't care. I ripped it from the wall and threw it through the front window.

"That's all I needed. Thank you. For wanting to keep me. I feel exactly the same way about all of you, too." I heard Bella tell everyone. I heard a quick movement as someone got out of their seat and then I heard Esme speak. "Dearest Bella"

I returned quickly to the dining room when I heard Bella's quiet, "Alice?"

I stood in the doorway and looked at Alice. She didn't really think I would let her change her now did she?

"Bella?" Alice replied with a confused look on her face. Alice was seldom confused due to her ability to see things before they happened, but she looked downright perplexed now.

"How long do I have until Charlie wakes up?" Bella continued.

Alice's eyes lost focus as she looked briefly into the future. "In about 3 more hours I see him coming into your room to speak with you. Why?"

Bella swallowed hard again and her face looked both determined and sad at the same time. "Because I have something I need to do before I go home."

She straightened up in her chair and held her head high. Only my enhanced vision could see the trembling in her hands. My hearing picked up the increase in her breathing and heartrate. What was she up to?

"I'd like everyone to leave, except for Carlisle and Esme, please. And, Alice? If you see anything, I'd like you to keep it to yourself, please."

Everyone looked at me, then at Alice. I looked at Alice. _"I don't know, Edward. It appears she hasn't actually made a firm decision regarding this request, so I'm in the dark so far. I will respect her request though, when or if the vision comes through. So be forewarned."_ Alice nodded to Bella.

"Thank you." Bella replied quietly. "I'd like everyone to go far enough away that you are not within hearing range…vampire or human…or mental." This last was said pointedly at me.

I looked quickly at Carlisle. I was afraid that she was going to request that he change her now.

Carlisle returned my gaze, knowing exactly what I feared. _"I will not change her behind your back, Edward. Be assured of that. She may be 'ready' but she is NOT __ready__ for it to be today. She needs to say her good-byes to her family first and it would probably be best for her to graduate first so there are fewer questions when she 'disappears'. Go on; do as she has asked. She is safe. I promise."_

I whispered a low thanks to him that Bella couldn't hear and turned to look at her.

"Bella? Why?"

"Because, Edward, I have something I need to say."

**A/N: We have arrived at the much awaited talk... stay tuned. ****Strap in and enjoy the ride. ****Please Read and Review...I had no idea how addicting Reviews could be! I love them!**


	5. Chapter 5 Confrontation

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: The POV changes a couple times in this story...watch for them or you might find yourself confused! LOL**

CONFRONTATION

**EPOV**

I gazed into Bella's determined eyes and nodded. I did not know what this was about but I could sense that this was something Bella needed from me…from all of us.

I turned to the door with my siblings and told Carlisle that I would call him when we were far enough away.

He nodded once and shifted his glance to Bella as Esme grabbed his hand. She, too, was looking intently at Bella. I could hear both of their thoughts wondering what this was about.

The five of us took off running and reached the spot, where even Carlisle's thoughts were silent, in about 1 min. I called Carlisle, hung up the phone and turned to my brothers and sisters.

"What the heck was that about, Alice? Edward?" Emmett exclaimed.

"I have no idea." Alice and I said together.

"Edward, maybe you should take this opportunity to hunt. You're eyes are so dark and I can feel how thirsty you are." Jasper suggested.

He was right. I hadn't hunted in weeks and I hadn't been able to pull myself away from Bella last night to take care of it. If I was going to be forced apart from Bella for the time being, I might as well use the time wisely.

Jasper asked if I minded company and I agreed to his request to come with me. As we turned to leave I heard Alice gasp quietly. I whirled to look at her and she quickly waved her hands at me.

"Go, Edward. You'll feel better after you eat." Ugh, the show tunes were back and I couldn't get a sense of what she'd seen.

I looked to Jasper and he bobbed his head in agreement once and we took off to hunt.

**CPOV**

I wondered what Bella wanted to talk to Esme and I about. I sincerely hoped she _wasn't_ going to request that I change her now. I'd promised Edward I wouldn't and I really didn't think now was the right time.

As Edward and the others left the room, I watched Bella closely. She looked frightened and sad. Her heartbeat was accelerated and she was beginning to breathe too fast. I wanted to help her calm down, but as I didn't yet know what was causing the apparent panic attack, I continued to sit quietly and watch her gain control of herself.

The phone rang and I spoke quickly to Edward as he assured me they were out of hearing rage.

"_Are you certain, Edward?" Bella doesn't look well..."_ I thought to him as a test. He did not respond to my thoughts, simply requesting that I call him when it was okay for them all to return. I told him that I would do that and we hung up.

Esme was still clutching my hand tightly. I could tell she was nervous, but I didn't know why. Perhaps some maternal or feminine instinct had given her some insight as to Bella's intent.

Bella slowly straightened in her chair. She had moved over several seats so she could face us. I watched as she grasped her hands together so tightly I could see the knuckles turn white.

Finally, I heard her take a deep breath and she raised her head to look at us.

**BPOV**

I looked across at Carlisle and Esme and saw that they were both staring anxiously but patiently, waiting for me to speak. I appreciated the fact that they did not rush me as I tried to pull myself together.

I had not originally planned on ever doing this, let alone now, but I knew it had to be done or I'd end up having it haunt me for eternity.

"Why?" I suddenly blurted out, sounding very loud in the still room.

They looked at each other in confusion and then returned their gaze to me.

"Why…_What_, Bella? Why did we vote the way we did or why…" Carlisle began when I interrupted him.

"Why did you leave me?" I could feel the tears begin to threaten, both out of anger and abandonment, but I was determined to fight them back. I want answers not pity.

Esme sobbed once as Carlisle briefly hung his head before returning my stare.

"I thought it was best to support my son's decision. I was not wholly convinced that it was the best choice, but Edward was very determined," he told me apologetically.

"Several times today you have called me daughter," I spoke to both of them. My voice sounded harsh, even to me. "So, you decided to support your son by abandoning your daughter?"

"Bella…I…" Carlisle began.

"NO…please, let me finish." I told him, beginning to get angry.

"You left me. No Good-Bye. No note. No call. No email. You took my family, my future and my choice away from me."

I saw Esme flinch under my words and Carlisle's eyes tightened in pain.

"I have never had parents that I could rely on. Renee may have brought home the paycheck, but in all other ways I was the adult. I made sure there was food in the house. I made sure the bills got paid, the laundry got done, the house got cleaned and that things were picked up from the drycleaners on time. I was responsible for the meals we ate and when Renee went out on a date, I was the one who sat up waiting for her safe return home. Charlie is a great dad, but he was never really there. Even now, he spends more time at the office or fishing than he does at home. I'm okay with that because that's just the way he is."

My tirade was running down and I knew the tears weren't far behind.

"I knew once I'd made the decision to join your family that I'd eventually have to say good-bye to my parents. I accepted that, just as I accepted the two of as my new parents. The parents that I would have by my side for all of eternity. I love you both, but you have no idea how much you've hurt me."

I stopped for a breath as Carlisle opened his mouth to speak. Esme had one hand in Carlisle's and the other stretched out as though to take mine, but not sure if I would allow it yet or not.

"Bella, we are so sorry. I'm more ashamed than I can admit that we are responsible for so much of your pain. Edward was certain that you would move on better if you had a clean break from us."

"_Edward_ was certain? Who's the head of this family, Carlisle? You or Edward? Who makes the decisions that affect everyone? Who's the doctor? Did it never occur to you what kind of break down I might have when abandoned by my entire family? One day I am complete and the next…THE NEXT, I HAVE HAD MY HEART, LUNGS AND SOUL _RIPPED_ FROM MY BODY AND CALLOUSLY DISCARDED."

I was on my feet now. Tears ran down my face as I screamed my betrayal at them. Esme began to sob tearlessly, her hand over her mouth. Carlisle, too, appeared to be in considerable pain. I felt horrible for hurting them, but I couldn't stop the words spewing out of me. They had to know. Someone had to know, had to understand.

"I was catatonic for the first week and I barely existed for the next four months. Charlie almost had me committed. I couldn't listen to music anymore, so I destroyed all my cd's and dumped them in the trash. I couldn't allow myself to think any of your names or bear to hear them spoken by anyone else without feeling as though a large hole had been torn open in my chest and the pain consumed me. I have nightmares every night from which I wake up screaming. After the first couple of weeks, Charlie didn't even come in to check on me anymore. There was no point. He could do nothing to help me and he couldn't bear to see me like that."

I was gasping by now and could no longer control the hysterical sobbing.

I dropped back into my chair, exhausted, and buried my face in my hands, still weeping and gasping for air. "I'm sorry…I'm sorry…I didn't mean to scream and cry…I was going to be so calm, so reasonable, so mature…but…but…I loved you so much, mom and dad, and you left me…you left me," my breath hitched, "…you…"

I felt, rather than heard, them both rush to my side. Suddenly two pairs of cold, hard arms had pulled me out of my chair and had me sandwiched between them. I wrapped my arms around Esme's waist and buried my face into the crook of her neck while I continued to cry. She smoothed my hair back, stroking it gently as she cried with me. I found myself calming, comforted by the double embrace and the familiar scent of my adopted mother.

"Dearest Bella. MY sweet, strong, beautiful little girl. I love you so much and I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for hurting you; for not giving enough consideration to how you'd feel; for not arguing against the move hard enough. I hope you can forgive me…us. Our family was not complete without you. I missed my daughter so much. You are mine now and I'm not ever letting go of you again." Esme whispered brokenly against my temple.

Carlisle's arms were around both of us. One hand resting lightly on each of our heads and his cheek rested on top my head. I heard him take a shaky breath, as though he too were crying, before he pressed a kiss into my hair.

"Oh, Bella. You are right. I have 200 + years of experience on Edward and instead of stopping him, I reacted. In my fear of losing my son, I turned a blind eye to my daughter. For you _are_ my daughter, Bella. Look at me sweetheart…" He said gently but forcefully as he put a finger under my chin to raise my face to him. "We can never take back what we did, but I promise you, we will NEVER leave you again!" His eyes were fierce staring deeply into mine. I couldn't doubt the sincerity, the promise those gold eyes conveyed to me. I nodded, shuddered and threw myself into my father's arms for a hug. The three of us stood like that for a while, the only sounds in the room that of my quickly calming heartbeat, my shuddering breath and the sniffles left over from my crying jag.

I slowly stepped back from them, but still held onto each of their hands for support and the feeling of being connected, at least in part, to my family.

"I love you. And I'm sorry I screamed at you." I said penitently. I was horribly embarrassed by my outburst, but I did feel slightly better.

Carlisle chuckled softly, "I think you had every right to yell at us…this time." He grinned at me. I giggled softly.

Esme put her hand lightly to cup my cheek, "We love you too, and so we'll forgive you, if you forgive us…" she smiled at me and I nodded to her.

"Dad, please call Edward and the others back. I'm not quite finished and it's probably best to get this all out and in the open at one time. I don't think we can heal, any of us, until we get passed this."

I watched his eyes light up with pleasure at the address. Then he nodded approvingly to me.

" I agree. If you're sure you're up to it right now?" he glanced at me questioningly and I nodded slowly. "Alright. Would you like us to stay with you while you speak to Edward and your siblings?"

I thought about that and while it would be nice to have their support during my next confrontation; this was really between my beloved and my brothers and sisters and myself. I shook my head.

"No, thank you. I think you and mom should wait upstairs…if you don't mind…" Esme grinned at me. "I'll be okay and this is something I need to do."

"Okay." Carlisle picked up the little silver phone and called Edward to tell him to gather his siblings and return to the house.

"Call us, if you need us, Bella. Do you want to meet them in here?" he asked, looking around at the formal dining room.

I shook my head, "No, I think the living room would be better for a confrontation with Edward and my sibs. At least it will give the illusion of being comforting…"

"Very well. We'll be upstairs if you want us." And he led Esme out of the room and upstairs to their rooms. I followed them out of the dining room and headed in the opposite direction to the living room.

I took a deep breath and tried to gather my scattered thoughts back together. I thought I knew what I needed to say, but I knew I didn't have a lot of time until they were back.

I sat on the couch, facing the front door, and waited for the rest of my destiny to come home.

**A/N: I really like the way this chapter turned out. I hope you do too. R&R please ;-D**


	6. Author's Note 090310

**A/N: I lost a friend today. Please give me a day or two to get my head back into story.**

**People, please, if you are depressed or overwhelmed, talk to someone. There is no shame in seeking help and a world of grief and pain for the ones you leave behind when you don't.**

**Thank you for your patience**


	7. Chapter 6 Changes

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who has offered their support and patience the last few days. I appreciated it more than I can ever express. Thank you for taking the pressure of updating off of me until I was ready to return to my story. Surprisingly, it only took a few days until it began hammering at my mind again...once I started, I couldn't stop...I had no idea Bella had so much to say!**

**Enjoy and I hope you all find it worth the wait!**

CHANGES

BPOV

The front door opened and I watched my family file in one at a time, Edward entering first. I stood up slowly and he walked over to me, his arms beginning to reach for me as though to pull me to him in a hug. I put my hand out, stopping him, and watched the hurt and confusion sweep across his face. I hated hurting him, but I knew there was no way I could stay strong and say what needed to be said, do what needed to be done, if he held me right now. He stopped in front of me, shifting over to stand at my side instead. My brothers and sisters joined us in forming a circle in the living room.

"Thank you for leaving when I asked and for joining me now," I looked around at each of their beautiful faces. "I have some things I have to say, some things that have to be understood, before I…we…can heal and stay together." I was so nervous. I knew I couldn't continue on, falling blithely back into the pattern of how things were and not explain to them how much they hurt me, but actually confronting them was more difficult than I might have thought. Especially as I'd already had a successful conversation with Carlisle and Esme.

"Not two hours ago, you all voted me into your family…" I stopped suddenly as Rosalie hung her head.

"Rosalie?" She looked up at me. "Stop. I'm not angry with you about your _No_ vote. I don't know your story or how you came to be changed when it was not something you wanted for yourself, but I can understand why those things would lead you to voting no for me." I grinned at her, "Besides, you did say you didn't mind me becoming your sister…so technically that was a _Yes_ vote for half of the question anyway!"

She gave a small laugh and nodded her head at me.

I began again. "Not two hours ago, you all voted me into your family, without any apparent hesitation," I glanced around the circle, "and yet, six months ago, again without any apparent hesitation, you all turned your backs and walked away from me. No good-byes. No emails. No phone calls. Nothing! You called me sister…and then left me behind."

Everyone was staring at me. Alice looked sad and Jasper looked guilty. Edward and Emmett, ironically enough, both had similar looks of shame on their faces. Rosalie looked at me sheepishly.

"If I'm going to come back and be a part of this family, whether as a human or a vampire, you all need to _understand_ what happened to me when you left." I could feel the hurt, the anger, and the sense of loss and betrayal rise up inside of me again. I saw, out of the corner of my eye, Jasper wince slightly, and I knew that he could feel my rising emotions too. _I'm sorry brother, but it's about to get a whole lot worse._ I thought to myself.

I walked slowly to stand in front of Rose. Her eyes widened slightly as she quickly looked at the others and then returned her startled gaze to me.

"Why are you starting with me?" She asked me hesitantly.

"I'm beginning with the least hurt and working my way up…" I told her honestly.

"Oh. I get that, I guess." She shrugged.

"I can't say that I was surprised that you left without a good-bye. You never made any allusions to the fact that you only tolerated my presence because your family requested it of you." She looked slightly pained, but I continued on, gathering courage for the upcoming confrontations with everyone. "It still hurt that, after all the time I'd spent with your family, you had no difficulty walking away and not looking back. You might not have considered me your family but I considered you part of mine. You are still my sister and your abandonment hurt."

I was proud of myself. I'd remained calm and steady during my speech to Rosalie. It was truth, it didn't hurt at much as the others but she was still part of that future I'd envisioned for myself and suddenly she was gone.

"I am sorry, Bella. For the way I acted towards you before. I didn't really believe that the affection between the two of you was truly that of soul mates. I didn't think it was even possible between one of us and a human. I only saw you as a threat to us. A human who was in on our big secret and at any moment could ruin everything. Until we left, and Edward left, and I watched the family fall apart, did I believe that the feelings went deeper…but I didn't have an idea how to fix it and truthfully, I figured we'd all get over it in time. Then, when Alice told me her vision of your death, my only thought was that Edward would want to know and that he'd heal faster with his family. I had no idea that he would go the Volturi. I was shocked and then humbled when Alice called and told us that you were racing to Italy to stop him. Both actions, things that I would for Emmett, told me I was wrong. You loved each other and by extension, you loved our family. I'm sorry I was so blind." She finished and I watched a small look of worry come into her eyes. It was the most words Rosalie had ever spoken to me. For the first time, there was a lack of open hostility in her gaze.

"Thank you," I nodded. "I appreciate your honesty." My gaze shifted up and slightly behind her, to Emmett.

He stood behind Rose and had one hand lightly resting on her shoulder. He already looked like someone had kicked his puppy. I felt the first tears rise up inside me. I'd always liked Emmett, even if I did find him somewhat intimidating at times. He'd found my clumsiness and blushes amusing, but I never actually felt laughed at. I knew he liked me and it was like losing the big brother that you had always known would be there to protect you.

My breath hitched slightly. I desperately clung to my composure, knowing that if I couldn't even get through this talk, I had no hope for the other three.

"Emmett," I ruthlessly kept the tears from spilling over although I'm certain my eyes shone with them. "You were my big brother. You called me little sis. You once promised me that you would always be there to catch me when I fell." He nodded once, telling me that he remembered that day. His eyes never left mine and I could see the regret in them.

"Tell me then, brother, who is supposed to catch me, when you helped pushed me down?"

He winced as though I'd struck him (not that that would have done me any good…darn hard as marble vampires) and I steeled myself against the remorse I felt.

"I'm sorry, little sister, so very sorry." He whispered. "I can't take it back, but I can promise not to do it again."

"I'll take it…for now."

I turned to Jasper. This one was going to be hard. For one, he could tell what my emotions were and secondly, he was going to read them wrong. Mixed up in my hurt over Jasper's departure, was anger. Anger, he'd be able to read, but wouldn't understand. I opened my mouth to talk and Jasper interrupted me.

"Bella, wait…before you begin, I want to say sor…"

"STOP!" I snapped back. His head jerked backwards. Surprised, either that I'd snapped at him or that I'd interrupted him, I wasn't sure. But shock and surprise were apparent on his face.

"But…" he tried again.

"No…you're about to apologize for my party…aren't you?" I challenged him.

He hung his head, ashamed once again for his apparent weakness. And the anger got stronger inside me.

"Yes, of course."

"I don't accept." I heard the quiet gasps by my family, but I never looked away from Jasper. He looked shocked and then resigned.

"I understand."

"No, I don't think you do. I don't accept, because there is nothing to apologize for."

"What? I almost attacked you! I was weak and as a result…"

"Stop!" I interrupted again. I wondered, if I'd looked around the room, if I'd see four mouths hanging open in shock. But I didn't look. It was important that I maintained eye contact with Jasper. He needed to know that I meant every word I was about to say.

"You did nothing wrong, Jasper." My voice rang softly with my conviction. "You acted on instinct and the others helped you leave. Was I at fault for getting a paper cut?" He shook his head. "I thought for a long time that I was. But I can't help being clumsy any more than you can help being what you are."

"But…" Jasper started to protest and again I cut him off.

"NO…I am so TIRED of everyone apologizing or explaining that you're new to this lifestyle and that you are weaker in your resolve because of this! It has been said so many times, that you actually believe it! Are you all blind?" I did look around briefly this time. Sure enough, the stunned expressions and slack jaws were present.

"Jasper…YOU ARE NOT WEAK!" Damn. There went my temper again, but I was so angry at what had been done to Jasper's psyche that I couldn't stop myself.

"You are quite probably, the strongest vampire here, next to Carlisle and possibly Edward." Jasper just looked at me confused.

"I've given this a lot of thought. Thirst…the way you all experience it…is a craving… a need…a desire…correct?" He nodded agreement.

"Need and desire are emotions…correct?" Agreement again, slow, somewhat hesitant agreement, but agreement nonetheless.

"Tell me something, Jasper…haven't you ever noticed that your thirst is exponentially stronger when you are around others who haven't fed recently? Listen to me, ALL of you… Jazz is not weak. He is not having difficulty adjusting to this lifestyle. How strong would any of you be, if you not only had to endure your own thirst, but to also absorb the thirst of every vampire in your presence? Why should Jasper be expected to stay strong when under the influence of six thirsty vampires, one of which my blood sings to, when everyone, except Carlisle, also had to leave the room once exposed to my blood?" I was almost yelling, trying to get them to understand what I thought should have obvious all along. Had nobody thought to wonder how Jasper's gift might affect him in this area?

"Of course you snapped at me Jasper. You were feeling 6x the craving that everyone else was…maybe 9x if we consider how strong Edward's own thirst is for my particular vintage! How could anyone be expected to stay strong through THAT? Everyday, you go to school and not only have to deal with the oftentimes petty emotions of the human teenagers there, but you have to deal with four additional thirsts and yet you've never attacked anyone there." Jasper's eyes were wide and I could see a dawning realization there.

"Tell me, have you never noticed that the times when you've all been pushing out your feeding desire to its limit, that you have an easier time controlling yourself in the classes where you don't have one of the other four in the room with you?" Alice gasped and looked dumbfounded. Not a look once usually sees on a vampire…least of all one who can see the future. My guess is that Alice hadn't seen this conversation at all since I hadn't actually decided to have it; it was kind of forced on us by the circumstances.

I watched Jasper's face carefully. I could see that he was mentally reviewing different times in the past...times of control, times of struggle and times of presumed failure to live up to his family's expectations. I knew that those expectations had to weigh on him. This strong man, who had to filter every emotion surrounding him and still maintain his own calm. Who could feel the pity, disappointment and acceptance at his failure by his family and therefore never really learned to expect more from himself.

"She's right, son." Carlisle's voice startled me and I turned around quickly. He and Esme were standing at the foot of the stairs. I hadn't heard them come down.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I know you asked for us to stay upstairs, but when I heard your theory in regards to Jasper, I had to come down. It makes perfect sense and I can't understand why none of us ever saw it before. Jasper, she's right. It fits…everything fits. I'm sorry, son. For putting so much pressure on you without understanding what it must be like on your end." Jasper grinned at Carlisle.

"It's ok, Carlisle. I live in this head and body and that explanation never occurred to me either!" He turned to me and smiled. I don't think I'd ever seen that particular look on Jasper before. As though the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders and he was free to like himself again.

He reached his arms towards me questioningly, not as though he was unsure of himself (for once) but because he was unsure of my reaction. I moved into his embrace and for the first time hugged my other brother.

"Thank you, sister." He whispered into my hair.

"You're welcome, brother," I told him before I backed away from him. "But you're not out of the woods yet…"

"While I don't blame you for the momentary loss of control, I do blame you for your next actions. You ran from me. Instead of allowing me to confront you or absolve you, you left me with the guilt of the circumstances. You were the brother who sat by my side during Phoenix. Who told me I was worth the fight. Who calmed my anxiety and fear for Edward and the others when they hadn't gotten in touch. I thought, after all that that you'd grown to care about me as I'd grown to care for you and then you disappeared from my life. " I felt a single tear give up the battle and roll down my cheek.

Jasper reached over and brushed the tear gently away.

"I'm sorry, little sis. So sorry, that my own insecurities contributed to the rift in my family and the pain felt by you. Forgive me?" I knew I'd forgiven him already so I grinned at him.

"You _tell_ me." I asked him cheekily.

He gave a small laugh. "Thank you."

I turned to Alice next and the tears began to flow from my eyes. I watched her face crumple in sadness.

"I can't believe you left without a good-bye! You were my best friend and my sister and I meant so little to you that you could just turn your back and leave me?" Small sobs began to shudder through me.

"Did you even care enough to look for me? To see what your actions had done to me? NO…YOU DIDN'T…BECAUSE _EDWARD_ TOLD YOU NOT TO! Can you not make decisions for yourself? I understand that Jasper needed you, but I needed you too. I needed to talk to someone and the only people I could be completely honest with were gone! " My body was wracked with my sobs as I watched Alice begin to cry with me.

"I wasn't supposed to look for you, but that doesn't mean I didn't see anyway. I didn't know what to do. You were in pain, my brother was in pain and my family was falling apart. After awhile, the visions got a little better and you seemed happier. Then there were times you disappeared altogether and I took that to mean that you had let us go and had moved on. _Of course, now I know it's because you were hanging out with werewolves and I can't SEE werewolves, but how was I to know that at the time?_" The last bit she muttered, somewhat resentfully, to herself, however I was close enough to hear her.

"I'm sorry, Bella! Truly I am! You have no idea how much I missed you, but I didn't know how to handle the situation. Please, please forgive me…I love you." Her gaze was pleading and she looked so remorseful, that I found myself nodding before I'd even fully decided to forgive her.

"Oh, yay!" She squealed before darting over to kiss me on the cheek and darting back to stand beside Jazz. "You're the best, best friend I've ever had!"

One left. I squared my shoulders and turned to face Edward. The room went silent as I gazed into his haunted eyes.

"You hurt me worst of all." I told him simply and he cringed. "You told me lies. You told me that you didn't want me anymore, that you didn't love me, that I was a distraction whose time had passed and that it would be as though you'd never existed."

"You said WHAT?" I heard the others exclaim. Apparently, he hadn't been honest with them either.

"You IDIOT!" I heard Alice and Rosalie tell him.

"Bro, that is so not cool!" Emmett was indignant.

"How could you do that to her? You already knew that she didn't see herself clearly or fully accept the hold she had on you!" Jasper asked him in shock.

"Son" Carlisle said on a sigh, while I heard Esme's tearful, "Oh Edward, how _could_ you?" come from behind me again.

Edward looked beaten down by the comments I could hear and most likely the thoughts that I couldn't. I felt pain at his pain, but there needed to be honesty now, if there was ever going to be healing and moving on.

I turned and faced Jasper again.

"Jasper…"

"Yes, sister?"

"Brace yourself." I warned.

He looked at me in confusion and I closed my eyes. I thought about how I felt when I realized Edward had left me and again when I realized that they had all left me. I remembered the pain and loss, the nightmares and months of careful guardedness. I recalled the agony every time I thought of them, their names, their faces, and their voices. I concentrated on that despair and that pain and I felt it take over me again. I opened my eyes and watched as Jasper, in perfect synchronicity, matched my actions, as with a gasp, I wrapped my arms around my chest to hold myself together and fell to my knees. The tears were pouring from my eyes as I stared into Jasper's horrified gaze.

"Bella?" he gasped out. Tremors shook his body as he absorbed my torment and despair.

"Share it, Jasper, _please_…" I begged him to send the feelings through the room. "If we're to have any healing, any understanding, then they need to know what you all did to me."

"Carlisle and Esme too?" He forced the question out through our shared pain.

I thought about that for a moment. I'd already had my say with them. They didn't need to go through this too. I shook my head no.

"Yes." Carlisle interjected. "You're right again, Bella. We need to feel what you went through if we're ever going to fully understand the consequences of our actions. We can't ask you to forgive us, if we don't _know_ what we did. Yes, Jasper, we'll take it too." Esme nodded her agreement beside him.

Jasper closed his eyes and I knew the moment he had pushed my emotions onto the others. Alice cried out and sank to her knees beside Jasper. He wrapped his arms around her and she buried her face in his chest and wept. Rosalie gasped and fell backwards, sitting heavily into the armchair, a look of horror and pity on her beautiful face. Emmett, likewise, dropped to floor beside her with a moan and placed his head in her lap.

"Holy God." I heard behind me and turned to see Carlisle and Esme sitting on the stairs. Carlisle with his eyes closed against the pain and Esme with her hands clutching at her chest over her still heart, her shoulders hunched in.

The worst to behold was Edward. He had also collapsed to his knees, but had continued until his face and hands were on the floor too. Sobs shook his body and I couldn't take it anymore. I put my hand on his shoulder and returned my gaze to Jasper.

Once again I closed my eyes and this time, I concentrated on my joy at getting to Edward in time, the complete absence of the hole in my chest just by being in his presence again and the elation that washed over me when I'd had my epiphany earlier. Over all of this I thought of my love for Edward and the love for my family.

I opened my eyes again and nodded to Jasper. He returned my nod and closed his eyes again.

My family went limp at the release from the pain and began to smile, as they understood what they were feeling now. Esme and Alice wept softly, but beamed at me with love and affection on their faces.

"You've gotten pretty good with manipulating your emotions, little sister." Jasper's look was one of … awe? I think that's what I saw.

"I spent months controlling my feelings so that I would be numb. I had to do what I could to spare Charlie from my grief. After the first week that I spent catatonic, I pulled my act together enough to get through school and try to fool Charlie. That part didn't work apparently…Charlie is more observant than I thought he was. The only time I lost my control was when I slept at night. There was no controlling the nightmares that always ended with me screaming myself awake." I felt spent. The emotional rollercoaster I'd been on for the last several hours was catching up with me and I felt like I was going to collapse. The smiles were gone from everyone's faces after my explanation, but I felt better after having my say. Only a couple more things to do and we could move on.

"Jasper…" I turned to him again. He looked back at me warily. I couldn't blame him. I was using him and his gifts and I felt horrible about it, but I couldn't think of another way to accomplish this.

"I'm sorry to keep asking these things from you, but I need your help."

"Go ahead, Bella."

"Edward has told me that he too was in pain and just let the misery take him when he wasn't actively pursuing Victoria. Were you around him at all after he left me? Did you feel his pain?"

"Yes. I saw him once after he left. He was a mess and the pain was very similar to what you just shared with us. Is that what you needed from me? Substantiation?"

"Not quite. I need you to share Edwards pain with me."

Jasper's eyes went wide again and he started to shake his head. I felt Edward shift beside me on the floor as he grabbed my hands. "No! Jasper!" He ordered.

"Yes, Jasper. I said there needed to be complete understanding. That goes for me as well. I have to _know_ that they aren't just words or I might spend the rest of my life, however long that might end up being, waiting for him to leave me again."

"I'm sorry, Edward, but I can see the wisdom in Bella's words." Jasper was firm and once again closed his eyes to better concentrate.

I was hit with despair, agony, misery and torment. It was as though I was being buried under my pain again, but without my determination to continue on for Charlie. I felt my body shudder but I did not collapse as Edward had. His pain was as great as my own, but I'd had practice functioning through it.

"Enough, Jasper!" I heard Carlisle and Edward say, through the roaring in my ears, and as I was released from the pain, I fell to my knees.

"Breath, Bella." Carlisle told me gently as Edward supported me against his chest. Oh…I hadn't realized that I'd stopped. No wonder I was dizzy. I gasped in some air and shakily got back to my feet.

And the last part was upon me. The part that could shatter my whole world again depending on which way it went. Taking a deep breath, I faced my family again. Carlisle and Esme had come down to join us in the living room and the faces of my family surrounded me. I loved these people and I was terrified of what I was about to demand.

"I want you all back in my life. I want to spend the rest of eternity with you. I love each and every one of you and I don't feel complete without you. However, if I am to put myself back into the position where I could be hurt by you again, there are going to have to be some changes made."

"I might not be centuries old, but I am a legal adult. I am capable of making my own decisions. I am also capable of listening to differences of opinion reasonably and either altering my decisions or sticking by them."

I glanced at Edward and found him watching me carefully.

"With the exception of Carlisle and Esme, whom I have already accepted as my parents for my next lifetime, nobody in this room has the right to tell me what I can or can't do. Even with Carlisle and Esme, I expect to be treated as an adult with the ability to think."

I turned to fully face Edward now.

"No more making decisions for me, without my input. No more deciding what is good for me and what isn't. I have the right and I demand that you allow me use it, to make choices for myself. If you can't or won't make this change…" I took a deep breath, "…then it might be better if I didn't stay with the family after all." Oh God, what am I doing? "I will never again, have all my choices taken away from me because someone else has decided that they knew better."

I gazed around at my family. Rosalie, Emmett, Carlisle, Esme and Jasper all looked very proud of me. Alice looked sheepish as she realized that this applied to her as well. All the future seeing aside, her visions were still based off of decisions and I was capable of making my own and not falling in with what she wanted. Edward looked as though he were having a mental battle with himself. I could imagine it went something along the lines of '_of course she's capable of making her own choices, but she's so young, how can __**I**__ be certain they're the right choices for her?'_

I thought of a song I'd heard on the radio somewhere recently and I made a decision right then. I looked at Alice and her eyes unfocused briefly. She giggled once, "Yes, Bella, I'll make sure he's listening then. It's perfect!"

I nodded my thanks to her and returned to address everyone else.

"Thank you. I love you. I'll see you all later. I'm going home now." And I turned to leave the house.

"I'll take you home. Climb on." Edward _ordered_ me and stepped forward.

"I can see myself home, Edward. I'm not a child." Had he understood at all what I'd said about not telling me what to do anymore?

"Bella dear, would you please allow me to take you home? It's not quite light out there yet and I would worry." Carlisle stepped forward and held out his hand.

"Thank you, dad. That would be nice. It's _is_ a long walk and I'd like to be sure I get home before Charlie wakes up and discovers I'm gone again." I took his hand and walked out of the door.

**A/N: You know the drill...R & R please! Thanks everyone...**

**Oh and BTW...the story is not quite over yet... ;-D  
**


	8. Chapter 7 Reflection

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

REFLECTION

BPOV

No sooner had Carlisle and I stepped outside and closed the door behind us, the shakes started. Oh God, what had I done? I had him…them…back and all I had to do was accept their apologies and I could begin living the life I wanted again. But could I stop there? But, No…I had to go and issue an ultimatum! I could feel the whimpers building in my throat, threatening to escape and betray me. Apparently, so could Carlisle, as with a softly spoken, "Hold on, baby girl," he swept me up into his arms and began to run down the driveway. I wrapped my arms around him, buried my face in his neck and bit my bottom lip in an effort to stem the tide of emotion threatening to break over the two of us.

Carlisle suddenly stopped running and kissed my forehead.

"You go ahead and let it out now sweetheart. We're out of hearing range now."

That was all it took. The dam broke and I started sobbing, my body trembling and my and my chest heaving with the effort to get enough air into my lungs.

"What have I done? What have I…Oh God, what have I done? Carlisle? Dad? What if…what if…what if he doesn't _want_ to change? What if he _can't_ change? _Can_ he change? Is he capable of changing his way with me?" I stumbled and stuttered my way through the questions in my mind. I wasn't even sure I was making sense.

Carlisle shushed me gently. He rocked me back and forth and softly stroked my hair, as though I were a child. It steadied me much more effectively than I would have thought. When I was no longer sobbing and my breath only had the slightest hitch, Carlisle put me back on my feet.

"Look at me, Bella." I hadn't often heard Carlisle sound stern before, but stern was his tone now.

I brought my eyes up to look into his somewhat tremulously. I knew I was chewing on my bottom lip again, but I couldn't seem to make myself stop the horrid habit.

"You did what you had to do! Oh, Bella… I'm so proud of you! You were so strong in there! You said what you needed to say, and yes, what we all, especially Edward, needed to hear. You were strong, you were brave and you were honest. To stand up for yourself to a stranger is hard, but it is much harder to stand up for yourself to family. I have never been more proud to call someone daughter than I am right now!" Carlisle beamed at me and I started to feel hopeful. Maybe I hadn't screwed everything up.

"Yes, Edward is capable of change. I believe that you are important enough to him that he will extend every effort to do so. But, Bella, sweetie, you need to be prepared for it to take some time. Vampires aren't capable of changing overnight, especially when you're asking him to change a habit he's perfected over eight decades! Would you like some advice?" He raised his eyebrow at his question. I understood he was waiting for my response.

"Please…I think I'm going to need all the help I can get!" I was eager to hear what he thought might help me.

"Hold him accountable…for that matter…hold us all accountable for following through on your request. You are not a child, even if you don't have a century or two to your name, and you shouldn't be treated like one. Don't fall back into the trap of giving in to him just to prevent an argument…you'll lose yourself that way."

I'm sure I still looked apprehensive, but I was glad for the advice anyway.

"Now, should I get you home to Charlie before you have bigger issues to deal with there?"

I grinned contritely. "Did you hear what Charlie _did_?"

"Yes, Rose and Em told us that he banned Edward from the house. Not that that appears to have prevented him from going through your window anyway?" I couldn't stop the blush that flooded my cheeks. It had never occurred to me before now to wonder what Carlisle and Esme thought of our sleeping arrangement. I wondered briefly whether I should be embarrassed or not. I decided not, they hadn't forbidden Edward to continue and I was sure they knew nothing was going on.

Carlisle chuckled at my expression.

"Would you like me to have a talk with Charlie, kind of 'father to father', and see if I can get him to change his edict? I don't like the idea of either Edward or you disrespecting Charlie by going behind his back if we can help it."

I hugged Carlisle and kissed him on the cheek. "That would be great! I have no idea what to say to him and I'm afraid it will turn into a huge fight. I don't really want to fight with him right now. I know he's still hurt from losing Harry Clearwater and I know that I scared him badly by disappearing the way I did."

"Consider it done then. Now, up you go. Let's get you home before it gets too light and Charlie checks up on you."

I climbed up onto his back and rested my cheek on his shoulder. I was feeling so drained that I knew I could sleep for another ten hours. Somehow, I didn't think that was going to happen today. The next thing I knew, Carlisle was tucking me into my bed.

"Thanks, dad." I mumbled as I rolled over to snuggle with my pillow.

"You're welcome, sweetheart." He chuckled again. "Would you like me to send Edward to you a little later?"

"Umm hmmm...that'd be great…OH…wait!" I sat up. "Not until he hears the song!"

"The one Alice said she'd make sure he'd be listening for?"

"Yeah, I need to call the radio station. Can I borrow your phone, dad?"

"Of course," he handed me one of the little silver phones that the whole family seemed to have. "Remind me to get you one." He told me as I dialed the station number. I looked up at him in surprise. "All my children have a phone." He shrugged.

I didn't have time to think about that any further as the DJ answered the phone. I made my request, declined making a dedication for it and hung up. I handed Carlisle his phone back and found him looking at me with eyebrow lifted in surprise and a smile lurking around the edges of his mouth.

"What? I thought it was fitting…not to mention ironically apropos!" I told him with a grin.

He laughed softly and rumpled my hair. "What a delightful young woman you are! I need to get home before that plays on the radio. I have to watch Edward's face when he listens to the lyrics.

His face took on a sterner appearance, "See if you can get some more rest, dear. You haven't been taking care of yourself and I intend to see that you correct that little problem."

"Yes, Dr. Cullen." I meekly responded. I knew I wasn't looking my best, but I hadn't exactly cared much about that recently.

He rolled his eyes at me and jumped out my window. It was…surreal...to see Carlisle acting so young and carefree. He was so practiced at maintaining the facade of the 33 yr old doctor with a family that it was easy to forget that physically he was frozen at 23 yrs old. Hmmm…I would be 18 with a 23 yr old dad? Weird!

I snuggled back under the covers and hoped, as I drifted off, that I could get some more sleep before Charlie woke me up. I prayed, to a God I wasn't sure I believed in, that Edward would understand the message in the song and be willing to try to change, but I was still so worried that he would walk away from me again.

That was the last thought I had before sleep reclaimed me.

EPOV

I watched Bella walk out of the house holding Carlisle's hand and turned to my family in confusion.

"What was that? She told me she could get home herself and then she turns around and accepts a lift from Carlisle? I don't get it…"

"_That's the understatement of the century."_ Rosalie's 'mental' voice was wry with amusement and…pity?

Alice just giggled and stood shaking her head back and forth.

"Oh, Edward." Esme sighed while gazing at me pityingly.

"Dude, you so didn't get it! Were you even listening to little sis?" Em was making a great effort not to laugh out loud, but his thoughts were riotous.

"Obviously. So would one of you care to explain it to me?" I tried to pick it out of someone's mind, but they were all blocking me in one way or another. I knew I should have been able to figure it out for myself, but in my defense, I'd been through the wringer these last few days and I possibly wasn't thinking as clearly as I could have been.

Jasper took pity on me. "Brother, the woman you love, just stood in front of the whole family and explained that she was done taking orders, having decisions made for her and having her choices taken away. So what is the first thing you do when she's done? You _order_ her to climb onto your back because you've _decided_ that you'll be the one to take her home and you've _chosen_ the means for her to do so! Carlisle, however, requested that she allow him to take her home. Thereby giving her the opportunity and granting her the right to decide for herself what choice she wanted to make. Understand now?"

Yes, I understood. I understood that all of my years of experience and the ability to hear everyone's thoughts had made me arrogant. Part of me still assumed that I knew what Bella was thinking and how she would react to things, when past circumstances had shown me time and again that I was wrong.

"Esme!" Alice's voice interrupted my internal musings. "Would you please turn on the radio to the local channel?" She sounded positively gleeful! _"Maybe this will help you get the last bit of the way to your own epiphany, Edward."_ Even her thoughts were smug. Before I could get a glimpse of what she meant, she began reciting the Russian alphabet in her head.

"_Oh good, I didn't miss it."_ I heard Carlisle think just before the front door opened and he stepped back into the house.

Just then the DJ came on. "We have an early song request this morning. The young lady didn't want to leave a name or a dedication, so I hope the young man in question knows whom he is! The little missy sounded sad and judging by the song chosen, it sounds like someone has control issues. Man, I hope you figure it out, or you just might lose the girl! So, without further ado…"

The opening chords to a song that I hadn't really listened to before, but recognized as being a new release, came into the room.

_Keep drinking coffee, stare me down across the table  
While I look outside  
So many things I'd say if only I were able  
But I just keep quiet and count the cars that pass by_

_You've got opinions, man  
We're all entitled to 'em, but I never asked  
So let me thank you for your time, and try not to waste anymore of mine  
And get out of here fast_

_I hate to break it to you babe, but I'm not drowning  
There's no one here to save_

_**Who cares if you disagree?  
You are not me  
Who made you king of anything?  
So you dare tell me who to be?  
Who died and made you king of anything?  
**__  
You sound so innocent, all full of good intent  
Swear you know best  
But you expect me to jump up on board with you  
And ride off into your delusional sunset_

_I'm not the one who's lost with no direction  
But you'll never see  
You're so busy making maps with my name on them in all caps  
You got the talking down, just not the listening_

_**And who cares if you disagree?  
You are not me  
Who made you king of anything?  
So you dare tell me who to be?  
Who died and made you king of anything?  
**__  
All my life I've tried to make everybody happy  
While I just hurt and hide  
Waiting for someone to tell me it's my turn to decide_

_**Who cares if you disagree?  
You are not me  
Who made you king of anything?  
So you dare tell me who to be?  
Who died and made you king of anything?**_

_**Who cares if you disagree?  
You are not me  
Who made you king of anything?  
So you dare tell me who to be?  
Who died and made you king of anything?  
**__  
Let me hold your crown, babe.__*******_

_*******(Song by Sara Bareilles)_

OK…Bella…I get it. I AM A CONTROL FREAK. I didn't realize I was a control freak though…I mean, you live over a hundred years, go to school over and over again, get two medical degrees and hear the thoughts of everyone around you, you start to think (and for the most part it was usually substantiated by aforesaid thoughts) that you know more than everyone (at least the human portion of everyone). I hadn't realized that I was preventing Bella from standing on her own two feet to be the woman she needed to be.

I heard a snicker and looked up into the faces of my family. Carlisle's shoulders were shaking with private mirth. Esme had her hands over her mouth and her eyes were twinkling. Alice was smiling at me while chanting mentally, _"He's got it. He's got it. By George, he's got it. FINALLY."_ I quirked my eyebrow at her at that and she had the grace to look a little sheepish. _"Ok…I got it too! When she says 'No' to shopping or Bella Barbie, if I can't talk her into it, I'll drop it and not just force her to do it anyway!"_ She thought ruefully. Emmett looked delighted and I knew I would be hearing about this for a long time. Jasper looked appreciative. _"Damn…I knew I liked her! My little sister's got nerve…she is going to be an amazing vampire!"_ I frowned over that thought a little, but decided if I was going to be worthy of Bella for the rest of eternity, I'd better start now. She had made her choice and whether it endangered her soul or not, it was her soul to do with as she chose. I'm not sure I can do it myself, but I figured that that was MY choice. I would not stand in Carlisle's way if he decided to acquiesce to Bella's request. I turned to look at Rosalie lastly; I recognized the origin of the snicker. She looked…impressed. _"Ok. I seriously didn't give Bella enough credit before! I still don't think she's given enough thought to her decision to be changed, but I can't force her to want the same things I wanted either. Ok, ok, I get it, too. Edward, you should have seen your face! I don't think you could have looked more shell-shocked if Bella had actually struck you. She knows how to make her point, my sister. Don't make her 'hurt and hide' anymore, brother, time to let her BE her own woman. You'll have a stronger relationship for it…I promise."_ I nodded to her.

"Bro, take it from three vamps who are married to strong women," he nodded his head at Rosalie, Alice and my mother, "if you don't try to hold the reins, and you step back and let her be true to herself, the rewards are amazing!"

Jasper nodded his head in agreement and Carlisle looked lovingly down at mom, where she had returned to her seat on the stairs. She looked back up at him, her eyes shining with love.

And I knew...

_I_ wanted that…

**A/N: I couldn't resist...I don't normally care for the whole 'song inside the story' thing, but the minute I heard this song by Sara Bareilles, it just screamed at me to be put in my story. I hope you all liked it too. I think one more chapter after this one and _maybe_ a couple of outtakes afterward... I've had several requests to keep this story going, but it has always had a definite stopping point in my head. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and the over 2K (WOW) who've read this story. Your support and encouragement have really helped make my first story a success and so much fun to write!  
**

A04C2B81-CCBA-6374-993F-67EB552EE567

1.03.01


	9. Chapter 8 New Beginnings

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: Thank you all for your patience. I had wanted to get this chapter up much sooner, but RL, in the form of 3 sick kids, kicked my butt instead! Also, once I started writing, I had no idea that they were going to all get so wordy on me...I think this is my largest chapter to date...they all just had so much to say. I'll let you get to the story now...**

NEW BEGINNINGS

EPOV

"_Edward?"_ Carlisle's mental 'voice' called to me.

I raised my head and looked at my father. I wondered if my expression was an accurate reflection of my need for Bella, my need for the completeness I only felt when I was with her…the need I had for us to be together again, both of us whole and equal.

Carlisle nodded his head as though he liked what he saw and his words came moments later.

"Bella asked me to have you join her, if you still wanted her after her request…if you were willing to try what she's asked of you…of all of us. If you hurry, you should make it before Charlie goes in to check on her. I've offered to go talk to Charlie and 'explain' your behavior in the hope that it will convince him to lift the ban on you, so I will be over a little later."

"She still wants me? After I screwed up so badly? After I acted more like her father than her lover?" I swear I felt my still heart give one massive beat in hope, impossible I know, but it lurched in my chest…I'm sure it did.

"Yes, son. She loves you. You are a very lucky man to find a woman so full of love and capable of forgiveness. I hope you really paid attention to her words and the message in her song choice… You are right in your description of your actions…maybe more than you realize…you did treat her more as a disobedient child than you did as the woman you're in love with. While I recognize that 'human' Bella is indeed more fragile and in need of protection than we are, you overdid it a bit. Instead of simply taking care of her, you diminished her abilities, intelligence and capability…and not only in your eyes either, but in her eyes as well. I wonder if you realize just how brave and strong she proved herself to be? Here today and in going to Italy to rescue you she demonstrated the true steel she carries within her and I hope that you BOTH recognize it."

I'm not sure when was the last time I'd ever heard such a long speech from Carlisle. At least not one that was spoken out loud! I had a feeling that the speech was for everyone in the room. I could see how I had done exactly what he said I had, but I could also see where everyone, including he and Esme, had, to a lesser degree, followed my lead in our actions and behavior towards Bella.

"Go to Bella now. Prove yourself worthy of being the mate to such a woman as she and show her that she is your equal, in all the ways that matter, until such time as she chooses to be changed and then in _every_ way that matters." Carlisle's smile was encouraging.

"Go get her, bro! Bring our little sis back to her family! She's more than earned her place here…I mean, she's not even changed yet and she's stood up to how many vampires in the last few days?" Emmett's good mood was back. His thoughts were full of pride in his little sis…her courage, her strength...her sheer cajones!

"You have approximately 35 min until Charlie goes into her room. You'll get there just before he does. Brace yourself and be ready to quickly reassure and hide!" Alice's eyes were slightly unfocused as she took a quick look in the near future for me.

I turned to leave and felt a surge of confidence sent my way by Jasper. I thanked him with a grin and opened the door.

"_I'm glad your home, Edward…and I'm glad Bella's back with our family. I was wrong about her…about both of you. Please forgive me? I promise I'll work harder to get to know her."_ Rosalie's thoughts were contrite when I turned to face her at her thoughts.

I changed directions swiftly and pulled Rose into my arms. I caught the surprised reactions in my family's thoughts, but didn't see the need to fill anyone in. Rose could do that if she wanted to.

"Thank you, sister." I whispered, soft as a breath, as I pressed a kiss to Rose's temple. I spun around and ran out of the house towards the only woman I'd ever want by my side for eternity.

I was approaching the house just before the sun rose when I heard her…the scream rent the air and I jolted to a stop in shock. The scream spoke volumes in that single wail. It spoke of fright, agony, loss, separation, and despair and extreme emotional turmoil. It was the sound of my pain. It was my Bella. I don't even remember starting to run again, but suddenly I found myself swinging through Bella's window to find her sitting up in bed, shaking, with tears streaming down her face. I flitted to her side and caught her up quickly into my embrace.

"Hush darling. I'm here…if you want me…I'm here. Please Bella, please don't cry like this. I love you…I'll make the changes you need…hush, hush…." I rocked her gently in my arms as I whispered to her. I had thought when Alice told me to brace myself and be prepared to reassure, that she had meant to warn me about Charlie, but I realized now that she had been talking about Bella.

Her tears and shaking began to slow until finally after a few moments there was only the occasional tremor that ran through her too small frame. Her hands were clutched in my shirt, anchoring her to me. At last, she raised her eyes to mine and tried bravely to smile at me.

"I'm sorry. I didn't ever want you to hear that. I don't want to be clingy." I shook my head at her apology.

"You aren't clingy, love. Please, tell me what's wrong…"

BPOV

He was here. He was real. And as he was still wearing the same clothes, as he had been very early this morning, I could only assume that none that had happened then was a dream either. I had really gone to Edward's house and faced down his family. Not only securing their vote for my change, but confronting each and every one of them in regards to the changes that needed to be made if they were going to stay in my life any longer. I had actually stood up for myself to a house full of vampires! Now if only I could summon the courage to do it again with Jacob, but that was a thought for another day. Not today…today, I had the man…well, the vampire…that I loved, holding me tightly in his arms and my world suddenly righted itself again.

I realized that I was staring at him and it occurred to me that I hadn't answered his question yet.

"I dreamed that it was all a dream…no you, no Alice, no family. I was so worried that you wouldn't feel that I was worth the effort to change and it must have carried over into my sleep with the idea that I was alone again."

"My love, we're NOT leaving! I promise you. You are going to be stuck with us for a very long time… Matter of fact…after an eternity with Emmett…you might wish you'd made a different choice!" He winked at me and then his head whipped towards the door.

"Charlie." The name was barely out of his mouth before he was hiding in my closet.

HA! The monster in my closet was real…only he wasn't really a monster…he just thought he was.

My amusement over the situation distracted me momentarily, when it suddenly occurred to me what he'd said…Charlie! Oh crap, I hadn't figured out what to say to Charlie! Well, best bet was to stick as close to the truth as possible I guess.

I was trying to arrange my thoughts into some kind of coherent order, when my door opened and Charlie poked his head in.

"Bells? Good … you're awake!"

Of course I was awake…had he gotten so accustomed to my screaming that he didn't even hear it anymore or was he just trying to play it off?

He continued, "Mind telling me where you've been for the last three days?" He stood with his arms crossed and his face stern.

"Um…it was really just a misunderstanding, dad. See, Alice told Rosalie about me jumping off the cliff and Rose kinda yelled it out not realizing that Edward had…walked into the room and then he…"

"You…jumped…off…a…CLIFF? When did you do this?"

"The same day Harry had the heart attack…I didn't know about Harry yet…I was just cliff diving, dad! The La Push kids do it all the time and it looked like fun, so I decided to try it. I didn't realize there was a storm coming…I'm fine, Ch-dad! It was no big deal, but when Rose yelled it out like she did, Edward thought I had killed myself and-"

Charlie's eyes were wide. "You _weren't_ trying to kill yourself were you, Bells?"

"NO, dad…just cliff diving for…fun. Anyway," I hurried on, hoping that I could get him past all the parts that might result in truly uncomfortable questions, "Edward got upset and said something that led Rose to believe that he was going to kill himself too…God, this sounds so cliché when I say it out loud like this! Could we _get_ any more Romeo and Juliet? Anyway, Rose told Alice, who _freaked_ out and immediately started calling for a plane ticket home. When she told me what was wrong…well, I freaked out too. Even if he didn't want me anymore, which, by the way, doesn't actually appear to be the case…another long story and misunderstanding…I still couldn't stand by and let him kill himself! I insisted I go too, so Alice got two tickets that were leaving almost as soon as we could get to Sea-Tac. I left a note, but I know I should have called too. I'm sorry…really I am…but it was so crazy when we got there. We had to find Edward and stop him and then I had to convince him that I was real and then…Carlisle and Esme came and we all came back here."

I had forgotten to breathe during this speech and was now panting, desperately trying to catch my breath. I thought I had provided enough information that it should take Charlie a little while to process it all and in the meantime I hoped I had time to pass my version of the story on to Carlisle so our stories matched. I thought I'd done pretty well…especially as I'd had to make it up as I went along! I hadn't meant to let the cliff diving slip, but it made the rest of it a little more believable. I was going to be grounded for the rest of the year anyway, so no big deal I guess.

"Do you have _any_ idea what I've been going through? All Jacob could tell me was that there appeared to be trouble and you'd taken off suddenly with Alice Cullen. You will NEVER do that to me again, young lady! Do you understand me?"

I nodded silently. I was growing a little concerned by the heightened color in Charlie's face. He wasn't any younger than Harry Clearwater had been and, at least until I arrived, he hadn't eaten very healthy either! I hoped Alice had seen this and Carlisle would get here soon.

"I put you through hell, dad. I get it. I'm sorry…"

"You're grounded is what you are! And that little…that Edward is _not_ welcome at this house! I want you to stay away from him, Bella. He is not good for you and I will not allow him under my roof!"

"Fine." I could feel my anger rising. I could accept the grounding…I'd earned it, but to try to keep me away from Edward? I don't think so…it was time to remind Charlie that I was legally an adult now…I really hoped Carlisle got here soon…I didn't want this to turn into a fight…especially with Charlie still that particular shade of red!

"Oh…well, good. I expected you to be difficult about it." Charlie looked startled by my apparent compliance with his demands but seemed prepared to be gratified by it.

"I _am_ going to be difficult…I meant _fine_, I'll move out then. Do I need to leave now or can I have a day or two to pack my things?"

Charlie's eyes bugged out of his head, "Move…out?" "Bells, I don't want you to move out…" he whispered.

My heart broke a little…I had hurt him so badly so many times…oh, where was Carlisle…I needed his help.

"I don't _want_ to move out, dad. I like living with you. I love you and I don't want to fight about this, but I love Edward and he loves me…being apart didn't work so well for either of us. He's in my life and…if you want me to stay here…you're going to have to accept that he's part of the package." I pleaded with him to understand. He looked like he wanted to argue but couldn't come up with the right words.

"You're grounded until you graduate…you know that, right?"

"I know."

"Okay, we'll talk…"

He was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell downstairs. He rolled his eyes and looked over his shoulder.

"For Heavens sake… Who is that at this time of the morning?"

He turned back to me, "We'll discuss this later, kid."

I nodded, waited for him to leave and let out a sigh of relief as soon as the door closed behind him. Edward was instantly by my side and I turned into his embrace, in need of comfort.

"I don't want you fighting with Charlie over me." Edward told me quietly.

"I'll fight just as much as is needed. It will depend on how much he pushes me. I told you…I'm done being told what to do!"

I felt him chuckle, "You're letting him ground you." He pointed out.

"Because I earned that! It's the least I can do…" I looked up into his topaz eyes and grinned.

I shot up out of his arms…."Shoot! That's Carlisle downstairs isn't it? I didn't get a chance to tell him the story I made up…"

"It's ok. He's been here a while and he heard the whole thing. He waited until you both seemed to be winding down before he interrupted. He was listening very carefully to Charlie's heart when he was so upset and says to tell you that he can detect nothing wrong with it."

"Thank you…I was worried for a while there."

"Me too… Do you want go stand at the top of the stairs and listen to their conversation or do you just want me to repeat everything that's said?"

"Um…the stairs I think. Can we do it without being caught?"

"Carlisle will know we are there, but I don't think Charlie will. If Charlie goes for his explanation, and Alice seems to think he will, Carlisle's going to tell him I'm out waiting in the car, so I might have to leave quickly. Consider yourself warned."

"Okay."

He flitted over to the door and silently opened it. He came back for me and grinning, scooped me up into his arms. At my raised eyebrow, he leaned down and softly told me that my footsteps would be heard. He was probably right, so I let it go.

He quietly put me down at the top of the stairs and the two of us began listening to the conversation taking place below us. It sounded as though Charlie had taken Carlisle into the living room to sit down.

"_Carlisle, I can't thank you enough for bringing Bella home, but, well, I don't want to offend you or anything, but…"_

"_Edward told us you banned him from the house, Charlie. That's part of why I'm here this morning. I'd like a chance to explain on behalf of my son, if you'll give me some of your time?"_

"_Hmpf…go ahead"_

"_It's my fault really, well, mine and Esme's…"_

"_Carlisle, you got offered another job, that's not your fault and that really wasn't the problem…that…your son…he could have called, written, emailed…something…he just…"_

"_That's what I mean, Charlie. Esme and I sat down with Edward when we decided to accept the position in…LA…We explained to him that long distance relationships were very difficult. We asked him if he really thought it was fair to ask Bella to have to wait for him or to miss out on things that would normally require a partner. How was he going to feel when she found someone else that she wanted to do things with? He thought about it a great deal and came to tell me the next day that he thought a clean break would be best for Bella. He didn't want her to possibly miss out on a great guy just because she was holding onto someone hundreds of miles away. He was very calm about it, but his eyes were tormented. I'm afraid neither my wife nor I were quite aware of how deeply Edward's affection for Bella ran. We assumed that he would miss her for a while and then move on with new friends and new interests. That didn't happen… He has been…grieving…in torment and despair…ever since we left. He doesn't eat. He doesn't sleep. He just sits staring off into space. If we didn't force him to come downstairs with us, he'd just stay in his room…practically catatonic."_

I glanced over at Edward, surprised to see him grinning. At my questioning look he leaned over and whispered in my ear.

"Well, he's right…I haven't slept in ages! Actually, he's got pretty much everything right."

I put my hand on his cheek and he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. The tension left his body and he opened his eyes to smile at me. Yes, we had both suffered, but by surviving, I think we had grown stronger, both as individuals and as a couple. I tuned back into the talk downstairs.

"_Sounds a lot like Bella. Carlisle, her behavior was…frightening. I feared for her sanity at times and I thought I might have to have her committed. It wasn't like she'd been dumped…it was more like he'd died unexpectedly."_

I winced at the term 'dumped'. Thanks, dad. Edward wrapped his arm around me and pulled me into his chest. I was the one to relax now…this was my happy place…here…I was safe.

"_I understand, Charlie, really I do. Esme and I were beside ourselves trying to figure out what to do for Edward. He wouldn't talk to anyone. What I also hadn't taken into consideration was how attached we had all become to Bella. Alice was despondent without her best friend. Edward made her promise not to contact Bella, he seemed to think it would be easier for Bella if she were just able to forget about us and move on. Matter of fact, we all discovered that we missed her a great deal. Esme and I love her as though she was one of our own and the other kids missed their 'sister'. I'm not sure why he thought this was the best way to go about it, it wasn't exactly what I had meant by my warning, but I assure you, he thought he was doing what was best for her."_

"_Hmmm…it was a stupid plan, but I suppose he is just a kid still and can't be expected to have the maturity that a few more years would bring him."_

I looked up at Edward with my eyes full of laughter…how many more years would he need to get the maturity Charlie thought he should have?

"Your dad is thinking that I'm a stupid, careless teenager who wrecked havoc with his daughter's heart, _but_, that it sounds as though I suffered almost as much as you did and he hadn't expected to hear that! He figures that since we are so attached to each other and keeping in mind your threat to move out, he'd better allow me 'visitation' rights. He doesn't want you to run away with me! Carlisle is struggling not to let the laughter show on his face after that last comment by Charlie! He wants to know how many more years do I think I might need to reach the required maturity level and how come 80 doesn't seem to have been enough?" I watched the laughter sparkle in Edward's eyes and knew that we would be okay. We would grow and learn and 'mature' together and we would be good.

"_Carlisle, what happened these three days? I got a kind of rushed and jumbled explanation from Bella this morning, but I want to know the details."_

"_I understand. I'll tell you what I can. I actually wasn't there for the first part of it. Esme and I were away at a medical conference. I had to put in an appearance as part of my new job…and there was a specialist I wanted to talk to about Edward's behavior. I'll tell you what the kids told me…we had given Alice permission to come back to Washington to visit some friends. She wasn't supposed to come see Bella, but I guess she couldn't help herself. Rosalie called to see how she was doing and Alice told her the story about…um…did Bella explain about…."_

"_She told me about the cliff diving." _Charlie stated dryly.

"_Oh…good! Okay, well Alice was telling Rosalie that Bella had gone cliff diving on the reservation and Rosalie apparently exclaimed something along the lines of 'Bella jumped off a CLIFF?', she was unaware that Edward had wandered into the room and was standing behind her until she heard him gasp. She told me that Edward started shaking his head and said that he couldn't…wouldn't…live without her, before turning and running out of the house. Jasper had just pulled into the drive and Rose yelled at him to stop Edward. He tried and Edward flattened him. Took Jasper by surprise…Edward's never beaten him in a wrestling match before. He took off and Jasper went inside to get an explanation from Rose about what was going on. She explained to Alice and Jasper that Edward was under the impression that Bella had jumped off a cliff to kill herself. She told them that he'd said he wouldn't live without her and she was afraid he was going to go kill himself, but she didn't know how he planned to do that. By that time, Emmett had come home too and he and Jasper decided to drive around to see if they could find him. Alice and Bella told Rosalie that they were on their way to…LA…and would be there as soon as possible. Alice told Rose to have Em and Jasper find a guy from school named…Felix…a young man whom I've told the kids to stay away from…I was pretty sure that he was a…drug dealer…now I know for sure. Anyway, Alice had an idea that Edward would go to him looking for a quick way out."_

"_Dear God, Carlisle! I'm sorry…I hadn't realized…"_

"_How could you? Anyway, Em and Jasper apparently caught up with…Felix…around the same time that Alice and Bella arrived at the airport. They told the girls that Felix had indeed sold some stuff to Edward and that they knew where to find him. They told them to meet them there as they were pretty sure Edward would need to see Bella to believe that she was alive. He would just assume that they were lying to him otherwise. Rosalie, meantime, was trying to track Esme and I down at the medical conference to tell us what was going on and that we were needed at home. The girls joined Emmett and Jasper, who were actually restraining Edward…they had gotten there before he'd taken anything, praise God. Bella convinced Edward she was real, alive and still loved him and they were all sitting in the living room when Esme and I walked into the house…Charlie, I'm so sorry that you were so worried about Bella and that she ran out without informing you of her plans…but, I have to be grateful to her for doing so. She saved my son's life…she saved all our lives, for we wouldn't be whole without him. Please, seeing as how deep and true the love they have for each is, can you see your way fit to allowing Edward to be with Bella? I believe that the love they feel for each other, regardless of their youth, is the kind that will stand the test of time. Edward was miserable all night long after leaving here last night. He wouldn't sleep or eat and all he could do worry about Bella."_

"_As angry as I am with Bella for taking off on me like that and as angry as I am at Edward for taking off on her like that, I'm glad she got there in time. I wouldn't have wanted you to lose your child. No parent should have to face that. I don't think Bella would have remained sane if she had learned of his death either. What now? Are you staying..."_

"_We're moving back here. Esme discovered that she preferred the small town atmosphere to the big city. I didn't really like the hospital that I ended up at and the kids all missed their friends and most especially, Bella. Our family, it seems, is not complete without her either."_

Wow. Carlisle was good at this! He took the bare bones of my little story and made a whole screen production out of it. I glanced at Edward again and he shrugged. I guess they had had lots of practice making up things on the fly.

"Charlie is thinking about your threat to move out. He's figured out where you'd go if you followed through on that…taking in the information Carlisle just gave him and weighing it with the other, he's decided he doesn't really have a choice. It's my cue…see you in a bit, love." Edward mouthed the words almost silently into my ear and then he was gone back through my open bedroom door and out my window.

"_Okay. Bella is grounded, but I will allow Edward to come see her during the hours of 7 pm to 9 pm every night. I want Bella to spend time with her other friends as well as Edward, find some balance, so it's not so one-sided, but I will not out-right forbid her from seeing him."_

"_Thank you, Charlie. I'd like to apologize for my part in this mess and Edward is out in the car, he'd also like to apologize to you for the mess he created and he's…pardon the word…dying to see Bella again. May I have him come in?"_

I heard Charlie heave a sigh and I swear I could almost hear him roll his eyes,_ "You're forgiven and in time, I should be able to bring myself to forgive Edward too. He's just a kid after all…whose misguided attempt backfired in everyone's faces. Go ahead and call him in. Bella will be thrilled to have him here. She was not happy with me this morning when I told her that he was banned!"_

I heard Carlisle open the front door and assumed he was waving Edward in. I stood quietly and waited for my own cue.

"_Chief Swan, I'm so sorry that I acted so rashly when I left Bella. I thought it would make things easier for her if she didn't have to worry about having a boyfriend so far away. I was stupid."_

"_No joke, Edward. It was stupid, but I expect you learned a great deal in the process. I'll be honest; I'm not ready to forgive you quite yet. But, after listening to your dad, I'm willing to give it a shot. For his sake, for Bella's sake and a little…a very little…bit for your sake too. Don't screw it up again."_

"_No sir. Thank you, Chief Swan."_

I rolled my eyes at that. Kiss up much? I rolled them again when Charlie didn't correct him and tell him to call him Charlie like he had before. I guess he was going to make him work for the privilege this time. Good grief, if Edward had been human, he'd be ready to pee his pants by now. Lord save us from 'Chief Swan'!

"Bella!"

Oh…my cue! I pushed my door so it squeaked to make it sound like I had opened it and yelled down to him.

"What?"

"Come down here, please. You have some guests."

I slammed my door shut, took a breath and half ran, half walked down the stairs. I stopped for effect at the bottom when I saw Edward and then squealed his name and launched myself at him. He caught me in a hug and whispered into my ear.

"We're going to have to work on your acting skills, love. Don't over do it."

"Charlie will buy it…you'll see." I whispered back.

Carlisle gave me a small wink from behind Edward's back and didn't try to hide his grin.

Charlie cleared his throat, "Bella, Dr. Cullen has explained in a little greater detail what happened when they left and when you ran off a few days ago. I've agreed to give Edward another chance. You are still grounded…but, I will allow Edward to come see you during certain hours after school."

I leapt at Charlie and hugged him tight, "Thanks, daddy. Thank you so much. I love you!"

"I love you too, little girl."

I turned and faced Carlisle next.

"Thank you, Dr. Cullen for coming to talk to my dad."

"Carlisle, please, Bella, and it was my pleasure. We've missed you around the house a great deal sweetheart." He opened his arms to me for a hug and I ran into them.

"Thank you, dad. Thank you for making everything okay again." I barely breathed the words to him. I didn't know what Charlie would think about me calling Carlisle, dad, so I thought it best for him not to hear that part.

"You did most of that yourself, dear." He told me just as quietly before releasing me.

I turned back to Edward and he enfolded me in his arms again and I was home.

**This is my last full chapter for this story. I think I will be doing at least one outtake...possibly two. Thank you to everyone who've left me reviews. I've read them all multiple times and cherish each one...they've made me greedy...I want more of them...LOL. Thank you to all who've read the story even if you haven't left reviews. Just watching my 'hit' numbers climb has been great fun! I've enjoyed my first foray into writing fanfic and I can't wait to try it again.**

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1.03.01


	10. Chapter 9 Outtake

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

OUTTAKE

BPOV: The day she tells Edward she wants to go see Jacob.

"No, Bella. Absolutely not! I keep telling you that werewolves, especially the young ones, have no self-control. You'll get hurt and I can't come on the reservation to help you."

"Edward, I'll be fine. I hung out with the pack almost the whole time while you were…anyway, there was only ever one incident and the others took care to keep me safe."

"Bella,"

"No, Edward! Jacob is in pain now and he needs me. He's my best friend and he helped me during my own dark days. I owe it to him to be there for him."

"Bella,"

"You made me a promise, Edward. Remember? I need you to trust me to make my own decisions. If you can't trust me then we're going to have problems."

"It's not you I don't trust…it's the dog!"

"I know Jacob, you don't…he'd never hurt me. Please…trust my choices and my judgment. I don't want to fight with you, but I am going to go see Jake. I have to and I'd rather not have to do it behind your back. You promised me…"

"I know…I KNOW. I should have guessed you'd want this though. Okay…I'll trust you…_and_ the mutt…but if he hurts you…! Would you please do something for me too?"

"What is it?" Gone were the days when I would blindingly agree to that question! He'd gotten things out of me too many times that way!

"Would you please make sure to take the phone dad gave you? Just in case you need it for anything? It will make me feel better, especially since Alice can't 'see' anything when you're with the wolves."

"I can do that." I had actually planned on doing that anyway, but I decided not to tell him that. I'd let him have his little victory.

"I appreciate it, Edward. I know you're trying and I realize it's really hard for you to not jump in front of me and take control all the time. So, I just want to say thanks. Every time you restrain your natural impulse to 'direct' me, you're showing me how much you love me and how much you're willing to do for me and I'm so grateful. I love you, too. I'm sorry that my actions today distress you so much, but Jacob is my family too and I have to be able to help him. Please try to understand."

"I'm glad you recognize that it's difficult for me to do, but you were right. You are fully capable of making your own decisions. I'm not saying I won't be worried sick the whole time you're gone, but I won't do anything to prevent you from going." He sighed heavily and leaned his forehead against mine.

I leaned up and kissed him tenderly.

"Thanks."

xXx

…_later on with Jacob…_

"When?"

"When, what, Jake?"

"When do you plan to…let them…"

"Oh…after graduation."

"Graduation! What…No, Bells, I won't let you!"

"You…what?" I knew one day I would end up having this talk with Jacob, too. The problem with being surrounded by mythical beings who were all stronger and less fragile than you were was that they all thought that gave them the right to take over and tell you what to do…well, NOT anymore!

"I won't let you do this, Bella! I'm going to stand by and let you choose to end your life before it's even really begun. I'm not…"

"That's enough, Jacob Black! Let me tell you what you're NOT going to do! You are NOT going to tell me what I can and can't do. I'm an adult, hell; I'm older than you are, technically if not physically…certainly mentally… I will NOT allow _anyone_ to dictate to me what my decisions or choices should be. Not Alice, not Edward and sure as hell not you! I make my decisions…no one else! If you can't accept that, Jacob, then I'm not going to be able to stay in your life. I know you probably won't want to be in my life afterwards, but I had at least hoped that we could remain friends until then. But I am done with allowing my life to be dictated to by others, so, I guess, you have a choice to make too." I waited anxiously. My heart would break if Jacob turned his back on me, not as badly as losing Edward, but badly enough.

"Bella, don't do this. Please…think of Charlie, your mom…. me. You're going to just turn your back on all of us for a…a…a heartless, soulless _creature_?" Jacob's face was full of pain and his eyes were glistening with as yet unshed tears.

"His heart may no longer beat, but he still has one Jake. And you know NOTHING about his soul. I don't want to say good-bye to you all; I'd like to find a way to keep you in my life for as long as possible, but I know I may not be able to. I love you and dad and my mother, but I cannot go on without Edward. He is my soul mate, Jake. We belong together and this is the only way that won't destroy us both."

"I love you Bells…pick me. Stay with me. Have a life, children and a future with me. I can give you everything he can't … please… choose me…" Jacob gently took my hands in his and the tears began to fall down my cheeks like a soft rain.

"I love you too, Jake…but it's not enough. I don't love you the same way. I don't love you the way I would need to, to build the life you describe. I've never really cared whether or not I had children anyway. My soul, my heart, my very being…recognizes where I belong and for whom I was made. I'm so sorry that you're being hurt by my choice, but it is my choice to make. Not yours, not my dad's and not my mom's. I think if my parents knew how…complete…I feel when I'm with him, that even if they detested the choice I was making, they would be happy that I got to feel that sense of absolute and complete love and 'rightness' in my life."

He let go of my hands and took a step back, shaking his head in denial.

"I can't imagine that you're parents would be ok with this if they knew. I know I'm not. I don't think I can stand by and watch this, but you're right, it is your choice to make. I've had some experience with having my 'choices' taken away from me…the whole alpha command thing…and I don't have the right to do that to anyone. Not even you. You have the right to make decisions for yourself…even if they're the wrong ones! I'm sorry…I have to go…I love you…but…" and he turned away from me, breaking into a run and then exploding into the russet wolf as he reached the tree line.

He stopped there and turned to look at me. I waved good-bye to my best friend as the tears fell.

"Good-bye Jake. I love you. I'm sorry."

He threw his head up and let out a howl of anguish and misery. My knees buckled and I fell to the ground, sobbing. He hung his head and turned to disappear into the woods.

I made it off the reservation before pulling over and waiting for Edward. I knew Alice could see me now and I was sure he would be here soon. The tears had stopped now. I was still sad by the loss of my friend, but I knew I had made the only choice that would make me whole. I turned with a small smile as Edward opened the door to my truck.

"He told me good-bye. He can't watch and I won't let him tell me what to do. He accepts my right to make my own decisions even if he can't accept my decision."

"You're sure you've made the right choice?"

I kissed him gently and placed my hands on his cheeks, my eyes never straying from his as I answered, "Yes. I cannot and will not live my life without you. You make me happy. You complete me in a way that I never understood was possible. You are my future…always."

He pulled me out of the truck and into his arms.

"Same goes, my love, same goes."

xXx

…_about a month later…approximately one week before graduation…_

The ringing phone woke me up out of a sound sleep. Edward and I had talked late into the night last night, about the future, about my change…about whether or not he thought he could handle a physical relationship BEFORE the change as I wanted to have that experience at least once while I was still human. I didn't know if I would want him the same way after or if the bloodlust would be too all consuming in the beginning. He wanted to get married first…it would push the time line for my change back a little bit, but I was considering it.

I looked around the semi-dark room. Edward was gone, hunting, with his brothers and I knew they needed some time together, so I was glad that I'd been able to talk him into the weekend trip to Goat's Rock.

I found the phone on my nightstand and flipped it over without looking at the display.

"Hello?"

"Bella? It's Jake."

"Jake?"

"I've decided that it hurts more to have you gone from my life completely, than the thought of what you will become does. If there's still room for me in your life, now and…after, I'd like to still be there?"

I smiled. I still had my sun.

**A/N: This is it. I can't go beyond this without it just dragging on and on...I thought it was important that Bella and Jake had their confrontational moment too, but I don't see the need to go beyond this. Please R & R people... I love hearing what you all have to say! Thanks for the support! **


	11. Author's Note 110810

**A/N: I'm still getting reviews and new readers everyday! That is so exciting for me and I love each and every one. **

**If you liked this story, please let me know. Also, if you are a 'mature' reader…please check out my other story and let me know what you think…it's rated M for the Lemons. Thanks again.**


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